Love does housework

by Craig on December 14, 2010

­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­Today’s post is inspired by the brilliant Rae from There is no wealth but life. Every post I’ve read of hers is terrific. The post that inspired this one was about housework sharing. She used the word “love” in her post 27 – count ’em, 27 times. I heart that!

Love is my thing. How could I not “love” her post. I loved it so much I wanted to love it here too. So, let’s see, what shall be my thesis? Simple, but to the point.

Love does housework


I’ve been blogging for about a month now – and I never really knew the depth of love involved in being a mom until I began reading “mommy blogs”. I’m not a mom and so I still can only peer from the outside in. And like Moses looking at God, I do so now, with my head lowered just a bit  in reverence.

Moms are love with feet.

Here’s a confession that may send you running.

…oh boy do I really want to admit this?

OK – deep breath. This tiny corner of the internet is all about love, and love is honest, even if it makes me look bad – so here goes…

I used to think that a SAHM’s duty was to run the household 24/7, and when a man helped out, even a smidge, he was being nice – maybe nice enough to deserve a medal.

Please don’t run!

I know better now.

And I am going to spread the word.

First, I have, for me, new acronyms.

SAHP – means stay at home person

NSAHP – means non staying at home person

And here’s what love dictates, as I see it.

I’m thinking that in the SAHP/NSAHP dynamic, love means that the NSAHP should treat the situation as if he or she were single. Yup – I said single. It might be the only thing that should be carried over from the single life.

Now, I’m going to call my gender out – and risk my man card. I hope all of you know the peril in which I am placing myself. The fact is that in Rae’s position her tables were turned – but in general it’s men that need to hear this.

Unless he hires a full time maid, a single man, when he gets home, has dishes to do, and cleaning, and laundry, and other such duties. Men in their college years, and maybe a few after, often neglect these things until laundry starts crawling about aimlessly.

We really do think that if a shirt passes the “sniff the underarm” test – it’s good to go for at least one more day. And then, maybe one more, if we turn it inside out.

The thing is, that single men, with regularity, came home from work – and do housework. There really is  no reason, once they become married, that this should change. It generally does – but this is NOT Love.

Love does housework

and

not

just

sometimes.

This is the way I see it, it’s this simple. When the individual workdays of both hubs and brides are through – meaning the NSAHP comes home, the teamwork should begin. The Bible says that man and wife are to be “suitable counterparts” – complimenting pieces of the whole.

When both halves are together – teamwork should be the thing.

And if teamwork is the thing, then what needs doing, gets done in half the time.

And, when what needs doing, gets done in half the time…

…there can be more family, and husband/bride time.

Rae asked her husband what a person should say to the one not pitching in. He said “nag”. “Nag” is often “man-speak” for a woman telling a man the unvarnished truth. I suspect he was either kidding, being playful, or using it in the way I just explained.

It’s not nagging because it is actually unloving to say nothing when something needs to be said. Acting in love always involves risk, and not acting when action is called for, is not love.

The Big Finish

A SAHP is working more than full time.

A NSAHP  is likely working more than full time.

So seen through the eyes of love,

when the two pieces are together

the workloads of neither should stop.

But each workload should be eased,

as the two become one,

and housework is done

and I didn’t mean for that to rhyme.

In God’s love.

{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }

Debbie December 14, 2010 at 3:20 am

Ah . . .I’m glad someone understands. I really love it when I see couples doing the “work” together. It means so much to be part of a team. Much more encouraging! Thank you! deb

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Craig December 14, 2010 at 11:39 am

It’s the ideal Deb. But we’re just never ideal are we?

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Anonymuss December 14, 2010 at 12:52 pm

Your honesty here is brave and refreshing. I think many people conclude that the women run the roosts-perhaps more so the older generations because they touched the era in which many more women did stay home and tend to the hearth. June Cleaver was the model.

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Craig December 14, 2010 at 12:55 pm

Also, while we were all about light saber fights – we saw the girls playing house – so many men figure that women still want to do so – and don’t want the boys to play – just sayin’

Not me though – I AM REFORMED.

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Kevin December 14, 2010 at 1:58 pm

“A SAHP is working more than full time.”

If you are talking about someone with no children, this is absurd. A healthy childless adult who does not have a paying job (by choice) is a FREELOADER. Nothing more.

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Craig December 14, 2010 at 2:29 pm

Wow. This one is a surprise. But Kevin, I do hear you though. I don’t know the specifics of your case. And in my time I have known my share of freeloaders of both genders. I write this, mainly for moms or dad’s who stay at home and try hard to raise the kids well – and maintain the household. That is more than full time work. This being said, love is all about sharing the burden. If one side does all the work and the other side does not – in whatever form that takes – then that’s not love.

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Anonymuss December 14, 2010 at 2:55 pm

I know couples where the wife, who stayed home to raise the kids (now grown), now continues to not be employed for pay, but they-as a couple-are fine with her not being employed and she uses the time to care for the house, yard, etc. (frees up their time together when he comes home) and she uses the time to do meaningful volunteer work or to minister to others in an unofficial capacity (taking elderly to the doctor, etc.). There can be a scarcity of folk who have the freedom to help others in these ways with so many working full time, so it can be a very real blessing to have the time to do these things. That said, I totally realize there are genuine free loaders, too.

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Debbie December 15, 2010 at 1:59 am

A. . . .your comment about someone continuing to stay home is really beautiful and understanding. I think it is up to the couple, what works for them. I have a daughter with special needs and withdrew from the workforce when it became more complicated for her at school. Ended up having to bring her home to school here. Imagined we would find something that we could do together , work wise. But so far it hasn’t worked out like that. She just isn’t there yet, to be able to work, and may not be. I don’t know. I clean one person’s house a week and she has become okay going with me and me bringing things for her to do there. And I deliver a little local paper on Wednesdays. Thought she could do that with me, but that didn’t quite work either. At least she’s okay in the car while I do it! ha! I am conscious of the fact that we don’t earn much money, but God continues to tell me not to worry about money. Okaaaaayyyy. . . ha!

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