Love seeks to understand “why” of the “do”

by Craig on February 8, 2011

love 1 corinthians 13 love verses I don’t know what it’s like to live in constant mind numbing pain.

I don’t know what it’s like to have to deal with the emotional aftermath of infidelity.

I don’t know what it’s like having a sick or dying child.

Up until a few years back, not knowing these things didn’t bother me too much.

You see, my head has known this for quite some time…

Love earnestly tries to consider the thinking of others – always seeking to understand the “why” of the “do”.

But only now is my heart getting it.

Our Lord has been giving me eyes to see better, and a heart to feel more deeply, and now I think it’s time to begin understanding  the “why” of hearts.

In this year I’ve named “connect”.  I’ve done so like never before.

For too many years I’ve seen everything through my own prism. I’ve listened just long enough to know what I want to say next. I’ve hugged a person needing one – patting them on the back as they cried, but thinking about other things beside the one sobbing in my arms.

But no more.

Today is for focusing on this – to not only see another person, but go beyond that, and earnestly try to understand why they are doing what they are, or feeling what they are.

I haven’t really written before about the thing which defines me nearly as much as my faith.

For a decade and a half now I have been without sleep.

Not that I haven’t slept at all,

and not that I haven’t been unconscious with eyes closed.

But there is something in my brain that doctors just haven’t been able to fix – and it keeps me from getting restorative sleep. It affects every area of me – health, memory, strength, emotions. It has made me a shadow of what I was and what I should be.

There was once, during one of the worst periods in my sleep deprived decade plus, a person who could have stepped in and helped in a very special way. But they chose not to.

Life was crashing in everywhere because I couldn’t think clearly, or stay healthy.

And I remember feeling anger.

The anger was fueled when an offer of help did come – but had as many strings attached as a the most complicated of marionettes.

I was at my most powerless – and this person was exerting power.

Abusing power.

It was cruel.

But if I could have gotten past the personal injury, and truly sought to understand the why of the act, maybe something would have built up inside me – besides anger – and a wall.

I know that every intentional act I commit has a reason.

I think, then I do.

Everyone does.

I know today, if I look around, I’ll see hurt, or anger, or fear – or love.

Today I’m going to think about all the thinking behind the acting – and I’m thinking

it’s going to be a busy day.

Why was that said? Why was that done? How does it feel to be that person? Why do they believe that? How happy must that make the other person? How sad?

Why that mean comment? Why that act of compassion? Why that person’s guilt – or shame?

This day I’ll be asking these questions, maybe out loud, or maybe just to myself.

And it might even get more complicated…

I did this,

they did that,

how did the one affect the other?

Today I ask questions.

Today I find out.

Today I really,

honestly,

truly,

will ask,

and ask,

and ask,

the why’s and wherefore’s behind the acts and words of everybody with whom I come in contact.

And I’ll be contacting a lot.

It’s at once both exhilarating – and terrifying.

In God’s love

{ 15 comments… read them below or add one }

Camille February 8, 2011 at 12:42 am

Hello Craig ~

Thank you for stopping by to visit me last week…it was kind of you to do so and to leave a comment. How precious it is to really live and listen and be there for those around us…may the LORD help us all to have ears to hear and to have the opportunity to point them back to HIM! What a blessing to know the LORD and belong to HIM! Might we be bold to share HIM with others.

As I read this post it made me think of something I have recently discovered ~ perhaps you already know of it…or maybe you have tried it…but, maybe you haven’t, so I mention this for you to check out. Have you hear of the LiteBook? It is a special light that delivers the positive effects of sunlight to the brain and triggers something in it for those who suffer from insomnia…perhaps it will be useful in your case. I don’t sell it. I don’t know all there is to know about it…but maybe it is something you might like to investigate. I am sorry you have been having such a dreadful time of it with sleep. May the LORD guide you in the coming days and give you HIS grace through it all.

Blessings,
Camille

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Craig February 8, 2011 at 9:44 am

Camille, as you put it really well, life is to “really live and listen and be there for those around us.” Too many years with blinders on for me. They are off now. Thank you so much for reading.

And the light therapy – no real effect – I haven’t used that particular product – and I will – always keep trying right? The big thing is you took the time to try to “be there” that’s love. I heart that. God Bless

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JennaFarelyn February 8, 2011 at 7:43 am

This was a really brave post. Thank you for talking about your previous insensitivity to the burdens others carry and also for sharing the burden you carry, and how it affects you inside. I am glad for the work God has done in you to make you less prideful and detached, and more intentional and aware of your need for connection and true fellowship. Thank you for encouraging us all to look deeper.

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Craig February 8, 2011 at 9:47 am

Jen thanks – but not so brave really – just honest. I was a head Christian for a lot of years filling it up to capacity, “learning and never coming to a knowledge of the truth’ (I think that’s in one of the Timothy’s) – know it’s reaching the heart. Feels both horrible and good :)

God Bless and keep you – you know I’ll be praying for you :)

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Anonymuss February 8, 2011 at 11:24 am

Craig, this is good. That you are getting this-wow! Some people seem to go their entire lives without much getting this. I am grateful for this reminder to try to really understand the other…and it can be difficult when the other is one who has dished out abuse. I have to see someone tomorrow about whom this is the case. I pray for wisdom, for sensitivity, for love, for more wisdom, for discernment, for perceptiveness, for more love-the right kind of love…and wonder what love looks like in these circumstances.

I cannot imagine the pain of what you described when you were at your most powerless.

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Craig February 8, 2011 at 11:34 am

I’ve already prayed for you – for just those things A. It was a prayer that made me first earnest, then determined – then happy.

And yes – it’s a special kind of nasty when someone waits until you are almost irrevocably broken to smush you. But there is love, and God never lets go. God Bless.

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Lynda February 8, 2011 at 1:15 pm

This is a real, honest, and transparent post Craig. Thank you for sharing so many insights. It did feel a little like my story. I am sure the similiarities for others are numerous also. What a blessing you are for your desire to “connect”.

I am just learning to release the words. It is a struggle becuase there is so much pain and anger behind mine. I don’t want to scare anyone off to soon. Using Jesus’ example of patient story-telling finding the right time for each emotion is something I am wrestling with. Words have power and must be used wisely.

I am thrilled and humbled I have been among the ones you have chosen to connect with. Tomorrow and Saturday posts will have a few more “words” for you about the “whys” for me. God bless you, and I hope He works mightily in your life.

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Craig February 8, 2011 at 1:22 pm

Thank you Lynda for reading. When I write posts like this I’m afraid everyon will run away – pointing fingers. Thank you for not doing that.

God bless – If I forget, or don’t have time to read – please come here and remind me – cause I want to know.

God Bless.

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Michelle February 8, 2011 at 11:48 pm

Well, I’m running and pointing fingers………..at me! Really. But I am learning slowly; to me, others may say I listen well and understand etc etc etc. But I know me and I know my shortfalls, and I am so glad of God’s Grace. I fall on it again and again and again.

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Sharon @ Hiking Toward Home February 8, 2011 at 3:25 pm

I understand the everyone running away pointing fingers fear. I thought that when I posted my Imperfect Prose last week.
I appreciate you comment on Holley’s blog about Thomas. That really hit me.
And to understand the other instead of judging… what that is a gift of grace you are extending, and it is so necessary for isn’t that what Christ asks us to do? So sad that so many miss that and miss the joy that comes from heart to heart communication- for THAT is where true friendships are born.

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Craig February 8, 2011 at 3:30 pm

Wow. So much god in your comment Sharon, I don’t know where to begin. So I’ll just say that you have been a blessing to me from day one. And yuor words, here in this comment section, EVERY TIME, make me smile. God Bless.

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Debra February 9, 2011 at 12:06 am

Craig, I wonder what the root of this sleeplessness could be. I’m praying for this, as it has me concerned. I ask because I truly care. You need restorative sleep.

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Craig February 9, 2011 at 12:25 am

Deb. I’ve had legions of doctors, and alternative med people, and me doing research but nobody knows why. I may write a post about it one day just to get it all out – but mostly I just try to pretend everything is fine. I never feel good – but I’m very good at pretending I feel good.

And true – the lack of restorative sleep is bit by bit stealing life from me. Thank you for the prayers. Maybe that’s what’s needed – a bunch of people praying for me.

God Bless

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Debbie February 9, 2011 at 1:59 am

Thinking of that last comment’s reply. . .how God has you here, connecting, changing and giving you lots of people to pray for you. I love how He works. Praying so much for Him to work healing in the area of sleep for you. I know how sick I feel if I just don’t sleep good for a few days. It’s bad. For over 10 years? Praying. Amazed each day you are here, posting , praying and thinking about others. God bless you!

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Craig February 9, 2011 at 9:06 am

Thank you deb – that’s something that’s never been tried – I haven’t even prayed much for healing myself – just acceptance – it’s nice to be prayed for. God bless. and thank you

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