Love fights the negative voices (part two)

by Craig on February 16, 2011

So two voices held me back. Two voices were defeated. One voice remained and it was loud.

“Your going to fail”

1 cor 13, love thoughts, love verse, corinthians love, love verses, faith love, love believe

He comes at me, meets me in the center of the ring. He drops his gloves. He doesn’t throw punches. He just asks questions:

Where is your career success?

Well, I um…

Thought so.

How much wealth do you have?

Money I really don’t…

I know.

How about a sign or two of  prestige in your life? Or status, surely by now you have blazed some trails and achieved a certain “status” right?

Well, no, but I …

No no no, these are simple questions – there are no buts. Just yes and no how much or how little.

How about influence, you can’t live as long as you have without gaining some power. Surely you wield some power don’t you?

I…

Well give me something! Some accomplishments maybe? You write – show me a fair sized published portfolio and I’ll leave, I promise.

By now I realize he’s asking questions he knows the answers to. But it doesn’t help. I”m sinking.

You’re well spoken, smart, educated – and you have a Master’s Degree after all – so just show me your successes. I can admit when I’m wrong. I’ll just sit here. I can wait.

But I have no answers. the long list of my successes is impressively short.

Hmm. Well let’s make this simple. You’re writing this blog about love. You wrote about marriage just last week. How about a bride? Oh – you’ve never been married. I forgot.

Now he answers the questions for himself.

But it’s fine – you’re still young enough. It’s not as if your body is handicapped in some way. You look healthy. You’ve got both arms and legs, and eyes…

Oh, but there’s that thing –  that’s right – you don’t sleep. Oh now, that could be a problem. Your mind doesn’t work as well, you can only operate on the schedule your body allows, you have to type 20 times to get perfect what used to take 5. But I’m sure it will pass.

What? There doesn’t seem to be a cure for this? Oh, too bad. That doesn’t bode well for your success now. Does it?

“You can’t do this” – was defeated.

“You aren’t good enough” – defeated

Both could not stand up to the facts, both were wolves with no fangs.

But this voice, he has teeth that sink in and rip.

I’ll be honest. Actually I’ve already been, and if you’re still reading, then honesty hasn’t scared you away.

Thank you.

It’s always so much easier to stay behind the mask. But I abandoned all mask wearing lately so all I have left is – well – truth.

Truth be told I don’t have much by way of the material.

I have this relationship with Our Lord and it’s alive, and vibrant, and as close as the space between seconds that tick off the clock. I have that.

My family, the ones who know me best, appreciate, value, and love me. Somehow they don’t see me as a failure. I have that.

I earned that Master’s degree in Theology – and then God put me to the test so I could earn his Master’s degree of Love. So that’s all I have – a paper degree – and a spiritual one.  As I say in my about me page, by every measure of worldly success – I am not.

There is no way this voice can be silenced.

Only a guarantee of success can do that.

This life does not provide such guarantees.

And history is on his side.

There is no way to know that by proceeding

I will end up in the right place

I’ll end up where God would have me,

I’ll end up in the center of his will,

I can’t have such a guarantee?

Or can I?

Please come back tomorrow so I can share with you how even this voice can be silenced.

In God’s love.

{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }

Debbie February 16, 2011 at 3:43 am

I’m so glad that you are going to show us how it can be defeated. . .was defeated. Because I was about to put on my boxing gloves for you. :) God bless you and all you are in Him.
p.s. I don’t even have a paper degree . . .I need to come back and read for me too.

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JennaFarelyn February 16, 2011 at 6:49 am

walking us through that thought process was really brave. I’m going to tell you that every time you talk about those voices. It’s a pretty big deal. Your wolf visual was right on, too. Eagerly awaiting the rest of the story. God Bless.

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Craig February 16, 2011 at 8:40 am

You don’t need gloves – I know who’s in my corner. You are a constant blessing. Next time I’ll give you a heads up – and maybe you can go into the ring for me. But probably not – I think these things have to be fought with only three people in the fight. The negative voices – Me – God.

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Craig February 16, 2011 at 8:41 am

Jen – I know you’ve seen this fight play out. Amazing how those voices don’t stay down no matter how many times you beat them back. No? God Bless – been praying for you :)

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Dianna McBride February 16, 2011 at 8:49 am

Mask removal…it should be a law somewhere, in order that we could live truly and fully the lives we are intended to live. A beautiful post, Craig.

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Craig February 16, 2011 at 8:59 am

Thank you Dianna – it was a scary one – not so much to write – but to post. Thank you for not shouting “PUT THE MASK BACK ON!!!!” God Bless.

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Amy February 16, 2011 at 11:30 am

I look forward to seeing how this turns out… ;o)

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Craig February 16, 2011 at 11:32 am

I’m writing it as we speak – so me too :) God Bless you and thank you so much for reading.

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Anonymuss February 16, 2011 at 2:13 pm

Carving our way through this life is not for the faint at heart, is it?! Your wolf picture is so perfect! Craig, thank you for being brave and sharing these things with us. I am already looking forward to tomorrow’s post. How to defeat the ‘wolf’ voices in our heads is so important!

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Craig February 16, 2011 at 5:54 pm

A. There is a way. But as I’m writing today – for tomorrow – I thought a bit more background might be in order – so tomorrow – a little more about why this last voice is so hard to beat for me. If I press “publish” that is.

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Kim February 16, 2011 at 5:47 pm

I’ve had this conversation so often with my ego. I’m getting better at fighting back but sometimes it still leaves me feeling inadequate. I’ll be back.

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Craig February 16, 2011 at 5:55 pm

Kim – this voice – it does leave us feeling inadequate doesn’t it – well that certainly rules out one of the three places this voice can come from. Thank you for reading. God Bless.

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Sharon @ Hiking Toward Home February 23, 2011 at 5:38 am

This “conversation” is so familiar it is scary. I am glad you wrote this series. I wish I had taken the time to read them as they came. They are why I have not posted anything but my “list” in the last 3 weeks… and this week… I haven’t even gotten THAT far. ugh. Thank you for this.

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Craig February 23, 2011 at 8:20 am

Sharon – if I shared thoughts with you – if I battle the same voices – well at least I know I’m in good company. If it helps – I think your writing is brilliant! God Bless.

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