Love couldn’t NOT help, then had to go away

by Craig on April 14, 2011

I have had, this week, a body that wanted to do so much but was limited.

I’ve been writing of how this thorn has been teaching me all week  – here and here, and tomorrow too.

One of the things this 15-year-long sleep deprivation “thorn” has accomplished has been to transform a heart that didn’t understand illness, and didn’t really want to, into one that gets a little broken now when it sees illness in others.

So much so
that I have to look away sometimes.
Because I want so much to fix what’s broken, but can’t.

I think I know, now, why Our Lord healed virtually everyone needing healing. I can see how, as he would walk the streets, and see the pain that this broken world causes, how he just had to heal every broken person he could.

The thing is,
whereas I see brokenness
and have to turn away
he could fix the broken.

Who he saw sick, he healed.
Who he saw possessed, he set free.
What he saw wrong, he righted.

His heart led him to uplift the downcast.

He is Love.

Love simply had to help, and then show the way
to better,
to higher,
to home.

That’s, I think, why he healed so many and never ever stopped teaching.

Then there is this,
His power was unlimited,
but his time on earth wasn’t.

He encountered so much hurt
and he could only heal so many.

While he was here he was voluntarily limited
to two hands
and two feet.
He had to go so he could heal so many more.

He could only teach to small groups of people at a time.

Except maybe the occasional 5,000 on a hilltop.

Which, by the way, was way more than that because the 5,000 were only the men. The women would have doubled it and the children would have tripled the number.

But even then – could everyone hear every word? And was everyone listening? And could their stone hearts truly get the message because the Holy Spirit had not yet come?

“I have told you this while I am with you. The Advocate, the holy Spirit that the Father will send in my name–he will teach you everything and remind you of all that (I) told you.”  (John 14:25,26)

source

The crowds never really did get it,
and it was God himself speaking.

The apostles were pretty much a clueless band,
until after Our Lord left,
until Pentecost. (Acts 2)

He had to go because his human body could not do what he must have longed to do. He needed to reach us all. He needed to reach 2,000 years into the future. He couldn’t do that in just one lifetime in Israel, or even if he had traveled the globe and lived for 200 years.

This week of no sleep,
and the brain fog,
and the weakness,
and the feeling sick,
and the tired,
and the dark depression,
that comes not from circumstance,
but from a brain without rest,
and the limitation,
has been the thorn in my side
at work.

Have I thanked you lately for my thorn, Lord?

And in this, the last week before Easter,

it has dragged me to an understanding
of how limited the God of all things had to be
until what should have been the end…

became the beginning.

In God’s love.

{ 18 comments… read them below or add one }

brian April 14, 2011 at 1:11 pm

smiles. each of us carries our own thorns…and yes i think they are there to teach us if we listen…i am glad you are thankful for yours…and now we are still in the beginning…

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Craig April 14, 2011 at 1:14 pm

“if we listen” – key words – so true Brian. I hate my thorn – i just. hate. it. – but I’m thankful for it – I really am. Thank you Brian. God bless.

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Dawn April 14, 2011 at 2:08 pm

In my own way, I understand what you are saying today. I did not understand illness or being old or “not feeling like it” until 2 years ago. It will be exactly 2 years in May. Herniating discs in my lumbar spine causing burning, biting, incessant pain in my left leg clear down to my toes at age 57 caught me up short and sat me down in the front seat of the classroom of life for “an experiential education.”
From this pain-filled vantage point I learned first-hand about physical limitation, complete exhaustion, dependence and a thousand other things that I just can’t take the time to list right now.

I am beginning to see a loosening of the thorn or the proverbial “light at the end of the tunnel” over the past few months. I am riding a bike again, but I will never take it for granted. He has given me new eyes as a bonus to go along with the healing in my back.

I’m praying for you and Laska as you make final preparations for your move. How’s the love kitty doing with the packing? Inquiring dogs want to know.

Great post!
Dawn

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Craig April 14, 2011 at 8:09 pm

I prayed for your light in the tunnel. You know 57 is the new 37 right? It’s funny how we don’t really get stuff unless we’ve gone through it. Wisdom comes with age and we are old now – so we – at least you – are wise. Laska is currently refusing to pack anymore and says I can carry all the big stuff by myself – he’s being very – (c-a-t-t-y). Thank you as always Dawn – and God bless.

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Joybird April 14, 2011 at 3:51 pm

1) I like this
2) the progession of ideas in this post was really nice, the need for healing-the desire to help-the Jesus healing-the voluntary limitation-the incredible expansion with the arrival of the Holy Spirit
3) “Then there is this, His power was unlimited, but his time on earth wasn’t.” and “He had to go because his human body could not do what he must have longed to do. He needed to reach us all.” This is a great insight.
4) Not sure why I am numbering these comments, maybe it will help your sleep-starved brain. I hope you find rest soon

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Craig April 14, 2011 at 8:32 pm

1) thank you for reading
2) thank you for the progression thing – but that just kind of came naturally – but thank you
3) I always wondered about that – why he said he had to go for the big stuff to happen – now I know – and thanks again
4) thank you for your numbering – it all felt very —– organized

God Bless you and thank you much

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Dawn April 14, 2011 at 10:12 pm

Craig,

Were you spelling so Laska couldn’t understand you? My dogs can spell so I can’t disguise my speech that way, and we’ve already discussed the pointing issue so you can see that I’d better mean what I say and say what I mean. I had about 30 years of practice with kids and husband before I got them so I’m fairly experienced. I’ve never had a house cat, though. That would be new for me.

All the best tomorrow. Will you have internet access?
Dawn

Thanks for the prayers. You have mine, too.

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Craig April 15, 2011 at 9:12 am

Laska says dogs sniff each others butts – how can they spell?

I’m just repeating what he said – that’s all. :)

I have one person, besides Laska, helping me – I have internet a little during the morning – then it should be switched over to the new place by night. I’ll be able to sneak on once or twice during the day with a wi fi spot – so I’ll have sporadic connection. Thank you Dawn. God Bless.

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Brandee April 15, 2011 at 12:12 am

It must be so frustrating to need and want to sleep and not be able. I will be praying for you. Thank you for sharing your struggle and your faith.

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Craig April 15, 2011 at 9:15 am

Ugh – I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy – I know this because I have one of those – and I wouldn’t wish it ion him. Thank you for prayer – it is the only thing that’s kept me functioning this week – kind of a miracle. I almost didn’t share this stuff – I was afraid it was whiny. So thank you for your kind words. God bless you Brandee.

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A. April 15, 2011 at 12:18 am

Praying for you despite your acceptance of your thorn. I am glad we can do that for you.

Laska….can picture her fully enjoying the wonderland of boxes and stuff! I am glad you have Laska. Or, from his perspective, I am glad Laska has you. :)

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Craig April 15, 2011 at 9:17 am

A. as I said above – the prayer is keeping me standing until this passes. Laska the love kitty is currently rebelling and refuses to pack another thing. He also may not help with the move because he has what he calls “mood issues” and wants special gloves to protect his delicate paws. I’m working on it :) God Bless you A.

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Michelle April 15, 2011 at 4:07 am

I did read what you wrote. But what I’m seeing is the buds of new life amongst the thorns in the picture. I’m also pretty sure you know they are there! >:-)
Praying rest for you.

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Craig April 15, 2011 at 9:19 am

Amen Michelle – there is life with the thorns – and thorns with life – we all have them – these episodes of no sleep don’t stay forever – this one will pass – it actually slept a few hours last night. Today I move, with or without the help of Laska the love kitty. God bless you Michelle.

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imperfect prose April 15, 2011 at 11:31 am

to thank him for the thorn… this is faith, brother. and oh, that i would do the same… and truly listen.

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Craig April 15, 2011 at 1:15 pm

Thank you Emily, it’s not a poem – just imperfect prose. Thank you for reading. thank you. God bless and keep you and yours.

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Southern Gal April 16, 2011 at 6:11 am

The thorns come in many different shapes and forms, don’t they?

“…what should have been the end…

became the beginning.”

Still gives me chills.

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Craig April 17, 2011 at 6:28 pm

Amen – it should have been all over. The Pilate and the Jewish leaders thought their thorn was removed – but no – the end was the beginning. Thank you so much for reading. God Bless you.

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