Love dies to hold on to that which longs to be held (pt2)

by Craig on April 22, 2011

…continued from Deep into Scripture…

you can read this without part one … it’ll make sense … but I think you’ll heart starting from the beginning better. If you want to start at the start – press here.

If you are here from there – thank you for coming over for part two.

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… my sister’s cat who was there through the darkest of days is deathly ill.

She’s heartbroken.

The last year has seen the death of her beloved puppy,

and the birth of her first baby,

and a lot of hard growing up,

and soon it looks like the death of her friend…

They become friends. No?

He’s been sick for a while and she knew this time was coming, he’s old, but still the bitter sadness is there and it breaks my heart a little.

Her heart being broken breaks mine.

She’s the sister, who ever since my mom died, and my dad abdicated the throne of fatherhood, has been as much daughter as sister – and when her heart breaks mine breaks too.

You moms – you know how that is. I can’t ever experience the depth of your love for your children. Not in this life. But I get this part.

And Our Lord, he gets that part too.

And his heart breaks because of the broken.

I know it does.

He saves our tears.

Who saves his?

Our Lord must have cried on the Cross.

And the mockers would have taken it wrong, thinking he was crying for himself.

Wrong!

He felt it all on that piece of wood. I’m sure he did.

The weight of every sorrow – EVER.

The broken – all the shards of the broken tearing into his flesh, searing his soul.

Love. Bore. All. Things.

So what, I have a few scars on my shoulder because I tried to help Laska the Love kitty.

God died to help.

It’s pouring rain outside now. It seems like a heavy, oppressive, sad rain. The water must be running quickly down the bark of that dead tree – with no leaves to break the momentum.

But it’s useless anyway.

If it’s dead up top, the roots can’t do anything with the water….

So this is it.

This strange in between time we live in. It’s all broken.

The Universe is broken.

The Earth is broken.

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We are broken.

One day it’ll be perfect because of what happened on Good Friday.

But it’s all broken now.

I hate broken, from those wheels that went sideways on a smushed Hot Wheels car – as a kid – to a heart broken many, many times, because I didn’t know what to do with love, the romantic love of good women, when I had it.

But sometimes there’s good in the broken.

I was broken to be made useful by Our Lord. I’m still broken but I’m more usable. I’m more usable, because I’ve been broken.

The bear I had as a child. The one with one eye, and no nose – I hearted that bear. Stuffing had to be stuffed back in all the time. But I hearted him to pieces and wouldn’t let him go.

Is that what God sees in us?

All this broken,

all the stuffing coming out,

and still loving us,

and not letting go?

I know he sees it in me. I don’t understand how he didn’t let me go a long time ago.

But that’s love. No?

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Love strains

and strives

and struggles

and dies

to hold onto what needs to be held.

It’s all broken,

Adam broke the universe.

We break the universe.

The broken of the design.

Everything about love is turned around – the world is spinning on a different axis, just because of imperfection entering where perfection once held sway.

And that tree across from me?

A bird just landed on the top most branch.

And the rain has stopped.

And it’s brighter now.

And behind the tree is a small patch of blue.

The Friday is here

Tomorrow is that in between Saturday.

The days in the tomb were busy days for Our Lord. Don’t let the thought of his body lying lifeless make you think he was inactive. He was working the grandest of all miracles.

And The Sunday always unfailingly follows the in between Saturday, and this sad Good Friday.

Like the bird in the tree,

Like the patch of blue in the gray,

But more glorious because it’s God,

Easter

Will

Arrive

Again

In God’s love

{ 21 comments… read them below or add one }

Cora April 22, 2011 at 10:26 am

Oh, thank God for Sunday Morning! I HATE broken! I hear you, Craig, as it seems that most of my memories are of broken things — things people broke that I cherished, things I thought God broke, things I broke, etc. And like Humpty Dumpty, there was never a way to put them back together again. I’ll make a confession here — one I can’t find anywhere else on all the beautiful writings about “Good” Friday. I don’t like this day. I can’t find a “good” thing in it —- except that He did it all for ME! Something withdraws inside of me and wants to jump to Sunday and skip this part. Yet, it’s part of the package, isn’t it? Love that died because it wanted to hold on to ME! I can’t have the “Paid in Full” without the shedding of blood — I can’t be made whole without Him being broken. And so I go through this day. . . waiting for Sunday morn!

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Craig April 22, 2011 at 10:58 am

Cora, i see you, and I hear this, “as it seems that most of my memories are of broken things” – I know of that. Amen, there is so little good in Good Friday – but there is some – one apostle was at the foot of the cross, and his mom never left him, and some others, and a soldier saying “surely this was the Son of God”. But mostly horrible darkness. We can skip this day – it’s easy. Just make it a regular Friday. But if we believe, and if we want to remember – this day has to be remembered, right?

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Barbara Thayer April 22, 2011 at 12:00 pm

Yes….Christ was broken for us so that God could put us together again. One day, our whole world which is broken will come under His mighty hand. Then, we will know justice, and finally have the perfect world we long for. Thank you for sharing Craig. God’s blessings on Easter my friend!

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Craig April 22, 2011 at 12:07 pm

Thank you Barbara. Broken for the broken – a beautiful thought. Thank you for THAT. And thank you for reading – thank you. God bless you and your 39 year old love story ♥✞ღ.

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Rachelle April 22, 2011 at 1:13 pm

Thanks for sharing Craig. I too hate the broken and struggle with the “in-between” of this world, how like Saturday stands between the death and Resurrection, we stand here between the glorious beginning and the new creation, waiting, anticipating. And I still can’t really comprehend how He was broken for us. What amazing love.

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Craig April 22, 2011 at 1:20 pm

I heart learning from everybody when I write stuff – I used to just like blah blahing my so called “knowledge” – but now I get hear from God, and write, and then get to read comments – AND I LEARN!!!! What you wrote, “like Saturday stands between the death and Resurrection, we stand here between the glorious beginning and the new creation” – oh so much deep theology written with insight and heart. Thank you. God bless you Rachelle

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Carmen April 22, 2011 at 2:34 pm

Beautiful Craig, beautiful

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Craig April 22, 2011 at 2:49 pm

Thank you Carmen. really. my heartfelt thank you. God bless you.

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Miz Liz April 22, 2011 at 2:46 pm

Oh my, Craig… That in-between Saturday has always confused and disturbed me. I’ve been through the agony of the cross and then…. nothing…just wait. Oh how hard it is to wait. Especially for those who did not know about Sunday. Especially as a mom who thinks she can ALWAYS fix everything and then has to wait… and wait… Somehow, it helps being reminded that “The days in the tomb were busy days for Our Lord Don’t let the thought of his body lying lifeless make you think he was inactive. He was working the grandest of all miracles.” Yes, I knew this but I forgot. And you and your loving responders help me learn.

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Craig April 22, 2011 at 2:53 pm

Amen Liz – he was very very busy during that in between time – I have theories, about preaching, and spirits in prison… (1Peter 3:18,19ish).

And I do have the best reader ever don’t I. I learn so much down here in this comment section. I’ve learned from you. :) God bless you Liz.

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Heidi M April 22, 2011 at 3:20 pm

Can you imagine what that “in-between” Saturday was like for Mary? Good Fridays are hard for me since I became a mother 18 years ago… Mary watching her son die for all of humanity’s brokenness lays heavy on my heart even though I’m one of the broken ones. My awe of His sacrifice {and hers!} grows every day that goes by, as I count all the Gifts that are before us. Beautiful Easter reminders and thoughts, Craig. Have a blessed weekend.

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Craig April 22, 2011 at 3:27 pm

I think she just sobbed and sobbed and sobbed. He was her baby on that cross. You know better than me – you’re a mom – He was always her baby. No? I tried to write a from Mary viewpoint – I can’t – I’m a guy – next year you should do one – I noticed Ann Voskamp wrote one – so I’m really glad I didn’t – next to hers anything I could have written… But next year – maybe even this one – you should write one – I think you know exactly how she would have felt. God bless you Heidi- and thank you very very much.

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Bethany Ann April 22, 2011 at 8:58 pm

“The water must be running quickly down the bark of that dead tree – with no leaves to break the momentum.
But it’s useless anyway.
If it’s dead up top, the roots can’t do anything with the water….
So this is it.”
… these are profoundly evocative words.

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Craig April 23, 2011 at 7:05 am

I’ll give Our Lord all the inspiration for any profundity and power in those words – I wrote them – but he made the tree, the rain, the moment – it’s kind of like I just copied his work. Hmmm – we need the leaves – it reminds me of that fig tree with no fruit that Our Lord “cursed”. You’ve made me think. Thank you Bethany Ann – thank you . God Bless.

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Debbie April 23, 2011 at 2:48 am

So blessed by this and all the comments. Been crying a lot today thinking of Him. Tomorrow might be rough yet too. But, you have helped and like His time in the tomb not being inactive, our tears won’t be wasted either. God bless you for helping us through Good Friday and Somber Saturday.

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Craig April 23, 2011 at 7:09 am

No crying today – he was a busy beaver today – my theory – maybe next Easter – but it involves lots of preaching to a tough audience (1Peter1). Busy days for him. Tough ones – but busy – and with a knowledge of what was to come I think. I think Friday is somber – Saturday – maybe we’ll call it Saviing Saturday :) God Bless your heart Deb.

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Michelle April 23, 2011 at 3:30 am

Good Friday, and yet there were two Sabbaths one after the other, so we should really begin at sundown Thursday so as to get the three nights in the tomb. Which means two days of waiting (and three nights, because it would not be safe to go to the tomb after sundown) before they could prepare the body. And so three nights, two days for us of preparing for the resurrection, of the waiting. And we know! The Mary’s didn’t know what they would find, but we do. And yet we still have two whole days of waiting, remembering what Christ has done for us. And He had to do it for us, because we could never.

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Craig April 23, 2011 at 7:16 am

I know of that debate Michelle. I get the arguments – on both sides. I heart your knowledge – because “without knowledge a people perishes” I end up thinking that the actual days we use to commemorate don’t matter so much as what we commemorate. Though I really heart your words. Just like we know Our Lord wasn’t born in December – but that’s when we celebrate. You know? So I don’t mind much the Thursday to commemorate the last night, Friday to think about THAT day, Saturday to think about the time in the tomb (and his busy bee activity 1Pet) and Sunday to be all gleeful. That being said – you know I see value in your words – I really do heart them – thank you – as always they make me think God bless you Michelle.

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Debra April 25, 2011 at 12:40 am

An excerpt from The Velveteen Rabbit by Margery Williams Bianco that has deeply impacted my life, my view of brokenness, pain, and suffering…

“What is REAL asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. “Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?”
“Real isn’t how you are made,” Said the Skin Horse. “It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.”
“Does it hurt?”
“Sometimes,” said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. “When you are Real you don’t mind being hurt.”
“Does it happen all at once,” he asked, “or bit by bit?”
“It’ doesn’t happen all at once,” said the Skin Horse. “You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen to people who break easily, or have sharp edges or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But those things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”

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Craig April 25, 2011 at 10:42 am

I know it’s everybody’s favorite – but I’ve never read it.

Now now, put down that stone please and thank you. :)

“Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But those things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.” — and that’s a BIG BIG point, Our Lord, when we are fully his, sees nothing but lovely – and when he sees nothing but lovely, what the world mostly sees is ugly. God can see really well. Amen – thank you Debra – thank you for this. God bless you!!

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A. April 27, 2011 at 9:07 am

Wow, I, too, have never read the Velveteen Rabbit. (also hate to admit…) But that is such a neat description of real!!!! Thank you, Debra! And Craig, thank you, too, and especially for the description of your bunny with the stuffing that kept coming out…so like us, isn’t it? Have to say i heart these two bunny ‘pictures’.

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