Love doesn’t always travel in a straight line.

by Craig on April 25, 2011

And so my Lent was inspiring.

I wrote three Easter poems which, try as they might, did not kill me.

My Thursday was lived considering, and really witnessing, that Last Supper and
that last night in the Garden.

My Friday – my Good Friday – that was the day my heart tread the Via Dolorosa with Him.

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I was fully encountering my Easter weekend.

Then, my “in between” Saturday was filled with the Spirit. It was awesome. I remembered how busy Our Lord was while he was in the grave – and how busy he is now, unseen but active in my life – and your life.

And on that “in between” Saturday, a day when I figured not many people would be reading – busy with Easter prep and all – gobs of people were visiting Love’s twin blog.

And so, curious, I checked my trusty google analytics to see who these hords of people were.

Turns out that for some reason my post from last Wednesday,
my last Easter poem,
the one I think I hearted the most,
and the one that killed me the least,
the one buried on, like, page 2,000,000,000 in the google search rankings,
is the number 3 item on Yahoo and 4 on Bing search engines.

And that was out of 14,000,000 searches on each one.

hmmmm

Interesting.

And so a gazillion people wandered by…

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but they aren’t like you guys.

You all who read me, and whom I read, and who I am so thankful for.

And although it was nice to see the masses fly by like a flock of geese. I was filled with gratitude for the community I’ve found here in my tiny corner of the internets.

I was thankful for you.

And I smiled.

The gazillions of fly by’s were a little Easter miracle I think.

The bigger miracle, I thought, was that you read me.

Have I said thank you lately?

I am big puffy heartedly grateful for you.

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Thank you.

Then, my Easter morning was filled with sweet moments, spent in the early “blue time” leading up to dawn, wondering if it was a morning like that when Our Lord just walked away from the grave.

That was nice too.

So I was having a really nice emotional and spiritual Easter Weekend.

And to show you my really uber-spiritual side.

My precious New York Mets
who kill me worse than poems
and who have lost 100 games this year so far
and have only played about 15
I know
that’s hard to do.
I told you they killed me worse than poems.

Well on Easter they won their fourth game in a row.

I know I may often emote like a girl, and “feel things” like a girl, and get emotional, and say things like “heart” as a verb, and I know that’s kinda girly…

But I heart my sports teams very much like a man.

So all in all
it’s up
and up
and up
and up

And I’m filled with spirit, and The Spirit, and in a good, good place.

And then Easter afternoon…

it all disappears.

And doubt overshadows,
and energy ebbs all the way out,
and my heart drops like it stepped into an empty elevator shaft,
and I suddenly don’t’ feel God.

I don’t feel him!

Not. One. Bit.

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How does that happen?

And what do you do about that?

I think I’ll have to spill this over till tomorrow.

Sorry.

Please come back.

In God’s love.

{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }

Amy Nabors April 25, 2011 at 9:21 am

I can understand the doubt overshadowing. There are days where I feel God so distinctly and then it’s as if the enemy attacks the next day and the doubts creep in. I let my guard down maybe? I’m not sure, but I try to keep praying and being thankful.

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Craig April 25, 2011 at 10:56 am

We are such imperfect conductors of God’s power and love. Like faulty wires I think. That must be why sometimes the light burns bright – and some times blinks off. I’ll be thinking about this today. Figuring. And there is an enemy too – he is active. I’ll keep praying and being thankful too – even when I’m all alone on the swing. God bless you Amy. and thank you. You’ve opened my eyes a little more. It’s important you came by today and left this. Thank you.

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Kristin April 25, 2011 at 2:55 pm

Thank you for coming by my place today. You are the first man to comment on my blog, congratulations! There is no gift though, sorry :(
Unless you count my gratitude a gift. :)
I think we all have felt alone on that swing at times. Thankfully we are never really alone, and He always comes to shine His light at just the right time. PTL! So thankful for His faithfulness!
It’s nice to meet a “brother”. Come on back sometime.

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Craig April 25, 2011 at 3:02 pm

Kristin I count your gratitude as a gift. Thank you. And it’s nice to add one more “sister”. I have lots of them – “sisters” know stuff – which each new one I meet I gain more wisdom – wisdom I could never have gotten without them. Got some from you today – thank you. And God Bless you.

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Mari April 25, 2011 at 7:48 pm

I can so relate. The same happens after Christmas for me. The “high” followed by a low. I felt it today… I felt far from God. I think I might have “lost” him in the hustle of special church events this past Holy week. Time to quiet down and search. Blessings to you at the start of this week.

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Craig April 25, 2011 at 7:53 pm

I know Mari, you think it can’t happen – but then it does – and not just once. There is more to the story for me – and it involves Laska the Love kitty – and a prayer – and an answer – and some stuff. I’ll tell it tomorrow. Our Lord is good – and he likes us too. Thank you for letting me know I’m in fine company. God bless you Mari – God bless.

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Debbie April 26, 2011 at 1:00 am

I am listening and definitely coming back tomorrow. 😉 I have been going through quite a bit of this lately. My thing is joy this year. So what do I find constantly being driven out? yep . . .joy. yuck. I’ll keep keeping on, but will love to read what you discovered!
God bless you and all He shows you in His love!

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Craig April 26, 2011 at 1:58 pm

We have to find our way to joy don’t we. I mean we have “Christian” joy – and that’s more important than “smile-y” joy – but we need that too. Hmmmm. Between you and me I’ve never really been there before – except for when I was “in love” or infatuated – and that’s just kind of temporary insanity with a pretty face. So I don’t know the answer to that one. But I want it for you. I want you with “joy” and happy. God bless you Deb.

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Michelle April 26, 2011 at 3:57 am

I wonder how the disciples felt. Having lost their Lord, being told He was resurrected, rushing to the tomb to see it empty….having Him appear in their midst, but then disappear again, and again, and finally seeing Him ascend….then silence while they waited for the ‘gift’. I wonder if they felt down and alone, wondering if it was over before the Spirit descended…..

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Craig April 26, 2011 at 2:01 pm

I think they felt like I did Michelle. Nobody ever talks about that – but how low they must have been. Maybe in this broken condition we can’t stay at the higher altitudes for too long. I don’t know – but I think they were oh so sad – and worried – and doubtful. Strange thing is I think it was Thomas at this time who might have been the cheerleader. :) God bless you Michelle.

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A. April 26, 2011 at 1:30 pm

Craig, I always love and learn from what you write, but today, I am also especially enjoying the the frosting- the artsy aspect of your post. The pictures, the words…’my heart drops like it stepped into an empty elevator shaft,” and so on. Thank you for blessing us with those things, too. (and they aren’t really ‘frosting’ because they do add so much in a very solid way.)

And your ‘sisters’ who visit here, and share insights…those are gifts, too. Michelle’s perspective…I can imagine how discouraging that must have been, for the first time, reading what she wrote after what you wrote. Thank you both.

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Craig April 26, 2011 at 2:04 pm

I’ve been going more picture-y lately A. I heart the pictures that marry the words and create more. It just takes so much time to find the perfect ones. And amen – I am so blessed to have so many wise sisters. The blessing that it is IS NOT lost on me – not. one. bit. Thank you A. God Bless.

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Miz Liz April 26, 2011 at 10:05 pm

I’ve been on that swing…the dark one above…a lot lately. I love coming here to read words of Truth that encourage, strengthen, and bring joy. Thank you for visiting my little blog and praying with this old mom. I heart all your regular sisters, also, and learn from them. Praying for sunny skies for you in MO and rain for us in TX. In His Grace, Liz.

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Craig April 27, 2011 at 12:44 pm

I really heart that swing shot!!! It says it all. Thank you for gracious words again Liz. It is a pleasure writing words that you read. I am blessed beyond measure – really. If I could send some of this rain down your way I would – but it doesn’t look like it’s stopping anytime soon. God bless you Liz.

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