Love digs to get the truest answers (talking with God pt4)

by Craig on July 22, 2011

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He has me trapped. He has asked question after relentless question. If I had a better lawyer he would have shouted “objection” at some point. But I somehow doubt that would even have done any good.

This is part four of the conversation with Jesus – it’s not fiction – it’s the actual, word by word transcription of a real conversation. In case you missed it and would like to catch up…

Part one is here

and two is here

and three is over at Deep into Scripture today – here.

and they’ll make sense of this for you…
you’ll heart them I promise.

and now the continuation…

Of course we’ll still leave open the chance that the conversation wasn’t “real” – and that I just had a good imagination. But the strongest argument against that is this…

I don’t speak encouragement to myself.
I haven’t since I was five.
Others?
I know I’m like so many of you,
encouraging others is as easy as…
“ooohing and ahhhhing” over a newborn.
So this line of questioning…
designed to encourage me…
it really can’t have been…
me.

But we’ll still leave open the option of crazy.

…and the answer to His last question…
the one at the heart of the matter…
the one where a yes answer would prove this negative voice…

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to be true…

this one…

“Has anyone, other than you, ever once, just once, said or implied that your writing isn’t good enough.”

It wasn’t yes…

it was…

“No but…”

And this other negative voice hops out of the corral…

One look at God – and he jumps right back over the fence.

Jesus is apparently not so plagued by inner negative voices.

“Want a second crack at that last answer?”

“Fine! No.”

“Interesting” he says in that irritating “I just won” sort of way, and then adds…

“Do I have your best interests at heart?”

I almost hate saying these words for some reason, but…

“Yes, of course you do.”

“Then what is the kernel of truth in this negative voice?”

And in that miraculous, very Jesus-y sort of way, the wild horse negative voice in question pops put of the corral and stands before us – still not so obedient to me – but completely submissive to Him.

He continued, “In the very best of lies…always lies…a kernel of truth. This is a lie – isn’t it?”

“It’s not totally accurate. I’ve proven to be good enough at a lot of things.”

“In this one special thing you want to be “good enough” at – are you?”

“If it was going to happen it would have by now.  I have a stack of rejection letters to put War and Peace to shame. I have no books, I’ve been published a few times, and heard some nice things said to me by people who know the business, but…”

And another interruption – if not for the fact that He. Is. Love. and love is not rude, I’d really have to say Rude!

“…and have any of them said you are not good enough.”

“No, every one said that I am, that my words are good, that they are…”

And I still don’t want to finish that statement. There’s something in me that does not want to negate this voice. But Our Lord is love, and he doesn’t let me stop that there…

“Your writing is…”

And I really thought I’d finish this today…

but there is one more day…

just one…

I promise…

The negative voice wins – or I do…

or rather, He does…

The potter is infinitely strong and stable – the clay is notoriously flawed…

please come back.

{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }

Andrea Dawn July 22, 2011 at 10:00 am

I’ve loved eavesdropping on your conversation . . . it sounds deliciously, suspiciously familiar. I’ll be back for the rest of it. He is soooooo good!

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Craig July 23, 2011 at 8:11 am

Andrea Dawn, I’m never quite sure how to approach this “talking with God” thing. And it isn’t very often that I have such a direct – actual talk with him. I think you know how it works – mostly impressions – the occasional actual words – at least that’s the way it works for me – but this time it was completely “other than me” – I was having a conversation with someone – and everything he said is something that God would say – so…

Bless you Andrea Dawn, and thank you.

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Cora July 22, 2011 at 12:33 pm

I don’t think you are crazy, Craig. Unless I am, too, and we are hearing the same voice and going nuts together. I’ve been answering back with a lot of “Yeah, but. . .” types of answers and He is NOT accepting them from me, either. He’s pretty consistent. It’s amazing how flippy floppy I am. One moment, I’m going for broke and going to get ALL these horses tamed. Next moment. . . . why even bother as it only makes me crabby as I see all my failures lumped into one recipe called “messed up life casserole.” Or should I keep the metaphor going on track and call my life “the one messed up life corral?”

I loved that first picture, Craig. I don’t laugh a whole lot, and almost never out loud. But I have to say, that one looks just.like.me!!!!

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Craig July 23, 2011 at 8:16 am

Funny Cora! Our Lord Doesn’t seem to fond of the “yeah, but…” answers. He always had this drive when he was on his mission – from here, to their, to the next place, to the next place – always the next thing to do. Very type A. In a conversation he’s kind of like that too – always the next point to make after the previous one has been encountered. And about the voices – I think there is an actual power in calling them horses – and him calling this a corral – and actually losing the term “negative voices”. It’s the same power there is in calling “works” daisies. I think I stumbled on a way to have them lose even more power – that’s in the metaphor. and that first picture – if that is just not the most adorable picture I’ve ever seen… God bless you and keep you Cora – through the ups and downs of battling with these voices – know that I have prayed for you.

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Debbie July 22, 2011 at 1:33 pm

I am loving this . . .thank you! And I’m loving that you are good enough, Craig. :)
God bless you and all the ways He talks to you and you share!

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Craig July 23, 2011 at 8:19 am

Well, Debbie, I guess the point is that I’m not good enough – and you aren’t good enough – and that none of us is good enough. Even the people who seem “good enough” don’t feel like they’re good enough. That’s the whole game that the Evil One is designed for this world after the fall and until our Lord comes back – nobody feels good enough – nobody wins – everybody loses. Heaven – whatever it is – I’m sure will be exactly the opposite. Thank you Debbie – and God bless and keep you.

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Michelle July 23, 2011 at 12:58 am

Don’t you just hate it when you know He is right? As He always is. 😀

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Craig July 23, 2011 at 8:20 am

I know! It’s a little irritating sometimes (◠‿◠) – still – I guess there’s a little bit of comfort in knowing that God is always right. Amen. God bless you Michelle – and thank you as always.

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Patti July 23, 2011 at 5:08 pm

Dear Craig, We are all good enough through the finished work of Jesus. We certainly were not good enough before, but we are a new creation through his finished work. As far as your writing goes, my dear friend, you are GIFTED. You have been given a wonderful gift for writing and you are using it for God’s glory. Your writing has blessed me, and I know it blesses others. You have also been a source of encouragement to me. God bless you, my friend!

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Craig July 25, 2011 at 1:44 pm

Patti, first of all I am so sorry that it took me this long to reply to your comment – I’m normally much better about things like this. No excuses – none. And I totally get the theology of the answer – as you wrote, “We are all good enough through the finished work of Jesus.” – but this negative voice – it was there long before I understood any theology at all – and it’s a determined little pony. And thank you – even in the light of the negative voice that says, “don’t listen to the nice things that nice people say – they’re only being polite” – even in light of that I’m getting better at believing the nice things that good people say – and you are good people – and so thank you – thank you. God bless you my friend.

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A. July 25, 2011 at 8:42 am

Craig, I love that first picture, too! Are we good enough…in my best times, what I love is that I can focus on the fact that I am created in His image, and that the more I draw near to Him, the more His likeness can begin to regain a foothold in my spirit and being. I have lost sight of this for a long, long time and am slowly pushing back the voices, too, so that I can see the truth. Voices (from real people or imagined in my mind) fight hard and don’t readily back off, I am learning. I am trying to keep my focus on truth, truth, truth. Thank you so much for this series that is absolutely spot on with what I am working through, now, too.

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Craig July 25, 2011 at 1:45 pm

A. – The picture of the Kitty with his hands up – and that look on his face! Slays me Every. Single. Time. I heart the picture!

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Nacole@sixinthesticks August 16, 2011 at 11:11 pm

Craig,
i read another post tonight–these are really good! you are a very talented writer. this story has drawn me in, and i am so thankful that you chose to be transparent and to be obedient, since it is obvious that He is leading you to do it. it has Him written ALL over it! love, love, love the kitty picture–hands up, cute soft kitten belly–oh my–just love babies, even the cat kind. i like this: “Want a second crack at that last answer?” lol! he has said this to me before, too, although i don’t listen very well–i hear Him and then carry my problems and my negative voices on with me throughout my day, like a ton of weight on my back. i am exhausted from carrying it. i cant wait to read more, but this weary mama must get some rest! oh, and i will let you in on a little secret: i am hesitant about tomorrow’s topic–a scary topic–forgiveness. this is one to tackle with a vengeance–we will see how i do.

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Craig August 17, 2011 at 4:30 pm

thank you Nacole, really, thank you. and that Kitty picture? I think that just might be the most adorable thing ever – I hearted it enough that it led three posts in a row! And Nacole, we both carry stupid negative voices throughout the day – and I know how exhausting it can be. Thank you for taking the time to read – and Amen – get your rest – you’re only a weary mama —- because you are a loving mama! God bless you and keep you Nacole.

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