But Love doesn’t give up. It. Just. Keeps. Going.

by Craig on September 12, 2011

The spirit is willing,
but the body is weak.
(Mt 26:41)

I don’t feel like trying today…
or striving for what’s needed or necessary.

I’m a leaf…

blown in circles by the wind.

But Love doesn’t give up.
It. Just. Keeps. Going.

Maybe slower…
maybe on knees…

But Love doesn’t give up.

As I write this I haven’t slept more than a few minutes at a time for 72 hours. Standing pushes hard to the ground, even sitting is dizzy, and weak, and nauseous.

Thoughts fly away like butterflies in a breeze. Eyes have to be closed between typing sentences. But I don’t want a Monday to pass and not have something useful here for you – and me too.

And I know what’s been said to me, and I know I know what I want to say.

Love bends…

it doesn’t break…

and God is love…

but what does God know about days like this?

He knows.

He doesn’t need to have lived a human life to know, because he knows the deepest me – he knows the deepest us.

But he did live this.

Our Lord defeated death but not before his own body betrayed him. He was forced to carry the cross to the crucifixion. After two days with no sleep, repeated beatings, and overnight inquisitions, he had nothing left to give but forgiveness…

and he gave.

His knees buckled beneath him on the way to the Cross…
He had to be nauseous…
His head had to spin…
He had to want to give up.
He was human.
He crashed to the ground…
likely again, and again…
and again.

His life must have felt like a leaf blown in circles by the wind.

But Love doesn’t give up.

source

It. Just. Keeps. Going.

Maybe slower…
maybe on knees…

But He didn’t give up.

He. Is. Love.

This weekend, and today, my knees are buckling.
But today needs doing…

more doing than I can do…

but I’ll hold on tight…

and bend not break…

and not go it alone…

and reach…

source

and so today I’ve asked, and will ask, for help from Our Lord.

And I’ll know that he knows how today feels.

I didn’t have it in me to write a post here – and one for Deep into Scripture, today.

But I did.

Love finds a way.

Love allows for weakness.

Love provides strength to continue…

when we can’t go forward on our own…

and Love…

meaning God…

because love is not God…

but God is all love…

Love got these words here today…

{ 24 comments… read them below or add one }

Dawn September 12, 2011 at 9:57 am

Dear Craig,

I worked all weekend 3 pm – 11 pm with newborn babies and their mothers. Your post really hit home as to what lack of sleep can do to a person. I experience it every time I go into a newly-delivered mother’s hospital room with a howling, frantic, wide-mouthed newborn who wants his mother’s milk.

I am praying for you,
Dawn

Reply

Craig September 12, 2011 at 7:29 pm

babies! It’s an understood fact in my family that I don’t really do babies – I’m a communicator – when they begin speaking in phrases that’s a start – once kindergarten hits I’m favorite uncle – at least until the hit their teens. There seems to be a Golden age for great uncledom. And thank you Dawn – I really shouldn’t have been able to make it through today. But I have. Yay prayers! God bless!

Reply

Cora September 12, 2011 at 10:27 am

Craig, once in a while, I have a sleepless night, and a few where they are several nights in a row, but not to the extreme that you have. I’ve never had that body break down. I just can’t even put myself there and imagine what you suffer with that. Your pictures today spoke a million words to my heart — especially the last one. I’m not sure if I’m one of those boys, or the box in the middle acting as the link in the chain, but I’m in that line of prayer asking for God’s presence and power in your life today. Thank you for a powerful post today!

Reply

Craig September 12, 2011 at 7:31 pm

it’s just a thorn – it’s just my thorn – practically everyone has one. I’m not particularly fond of my thorn. And that last picture! I hearted that one – the connection – the teamwork – the love to save the puppy in the water – awesome picture. Glad you hearted that too. and thank you for saying nice things about my sleep deprived post ツGod bless you Cora.

Reply

Andrea Dawn September 12, 2011 at 11:09 am

Dear Craig

I know some of what you speak of, have endured. I worked nights for 7 years and had periods of time where I could not sleep. The week before my doctor pulled me off nights for good, I slept a total of 10 hours ALL WEEK. I laid in bed for seven hours each day but sleep would not come . . . in spite of a hot bath, calming tea, soothing music, much prayer. I was a wreck, physically, emotionally . . . tears always close to the surface.

My heart and my prayers go out to you in this difficult place. Thank you for reflecting the love that doesn’t give up, but just. keeps. going.

Reply

Craig September 12, 2011 at 7:34 pm

it does get you in that way – it really wasn’t bad for the first year – or even the first five years – then it started really holding sway over everything – mood, thoughts, immune system. But it’s my thorn – and it has served a good purpose. I’m okay with my thorn – though I don’t like it much. And my sleep – it isn’t so much getting to sleep – it’s staying asleep. Anyway, thank you for your prayers – and God bless you Andrea Dawn.

Reply

A. September 12, 2011 at 11:36 am

Craig, thank you for your incredible faithfulness to us your readers. I can feel your sleep-parched condition in this post. My prayers are what I offer up to our Father for you. Sometimes we can feel so helpless when we see someone like yourself whose challenge(s) we can’t ‘fix’. It hurts to see a brother suffer. I do not know how the Father will bless you today, but I pray earnestly that He will!

Reply

Craig September 12, 2011 at 7:37 pm

A. Thank you – I am solidly committed to 10 posts a week. I have yet to write less – and don’t plan on it. I heart writing for you and everybody else! And don’t worry A. It’s just my thorn – if it’s here still – then it’s here for a reason. And I made it through the day without totally falling apart – and now I’m even able to answer a few comments – I suspect it was the prayers that held me up. God bless you A

Reply

gina reid September 12, 2011 at 12:22 pm

Loved the post, but I love you more….HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!

Reply

Craig September 12, 2011 at 7:37 pm

and I loved that you read – but I love YOU more! lms

Reply

Andrea Dawn September 12, 2011 at 1:16 pm

Someone let the cat out of the bag, so I will add my birthday greetings . . . may Papa’s favour be on you today and always, His grace abound for your every need. It may be your birthday but we got the gift . . . YOU!

Reply

Craig September 12, 2011 at 7:48 pm

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. Seriously (big smile) big smile on a hard day – thank you!

Reply

A. September 12, 2011 at 2:24 pm

Craig!!! You weasel! I am glad your sister snitched on you!!! And what Andrea Dawn said is true. So you will have to fill us in on how you and Laska celebrate. Happy, blessed Birthday! :) If we had known, some of us might have said “take the day off on both posts’ as a gift to you from your readers. You can still do that tomorrow. Birthdays usually last more than one day, anyway, with all the straggler cards and such. :)

Reply

Craig September 12, 2011 at 7:53 pm

ツ Laska and I had a nice long walk – exploring new territory – and a new dogz ツ other than that – with the sleep thing – it was just the kind of fight to get through it day – but blessed – always blessed. Thank you A!

Reply

Cora September 12, 2011 at 4:04 pm

I agree with A. You ARE a weasel!!!!! Birthdays are for sharing, you know!!!! It’s a time when WE can thank the Lord for blessing US by giving us YOU!!!! I know this is a hard day, and I’m praying that He gives you the gift of rest. Happpy Birthday, Craig!!!!

Reply

Craig September 12, 2011 at 7:54 pm

I seriously have the nicest people reading me – and the best people in the whole world leaving comments. Thank you Cora!

Reply

Nacole@sixinthesticks September 12, 2011 at 6:01 pm

happy birthday, Craig! i hope it is filled with the joy and love of Christ…loved this post…very heartfelt and real. the analogy of Jesus going to the cross got to me. our Lord suffered so much for us, but we cant wait and pray for one hour (when i say we, i mean i ;)) praying for you as you are going through this…we are going it together.

blessings!

Reply

Craig September 12, 2011 at 7:57 pm

thank you Nacole (big smiles) – I’ve heard it said that Our Lord Didn’t suffer old age – and I’ve read that he did – during those last days. I know what it’s like to feel much older than I am – the sleep thing does that. And I’m glad we are going it together my friend – God bless you – and I have prayed ツ

Reply

Katie September 12, 2011 at 6:49 pm

My husband works overnights and has trouble sleeping well during the day… I so know what you are talking about lack of sleep. I love what you wrote about love! And you are so right… love finds a way to bend!

Happy Birthday!

Reply

Craig September 12, 2011 at 8:00 pm

Katie, thank you. And about the sleep – the first year it was kind of fun – the first few years weren’t really bad – but then it began having a cumulative effect – and it’s been about 15 years now. But it’s just a thorn – it’s just my thorn – everybody has them – and love does find a way to bend ツ I was just about as bendy as I could be today – and I’ll just keep bending ツ I heart love. God bless you Katie.

Reply

Layla Payton September 12, 2011 at 8:57 pm

Craig, I read a lot of blogs, but yours is absolutely my favorite. Why? Because God uses your transparency. He is glorified in your weakness, pain, and sleepless nights. No, He does not want you to suffer, but when this fallen world takes its toll, He shines through your words. I love this blog, because you so dearly love the Lord. You never take Him lightly, or cast doubt on His sovereignty. I learn so much!

I pray that you find sleep. I pray that you find peace. I know that He has brought you this far, and He is not capable of quitting. He’ll sustain you, but it may be one flake of manna at a time.

Your Sister-in-Christ,
Layla

Reply

Craig September 19, 2011 at 6:08 pm

Layla – look! A reply to a comment from a week ago – I’m so sorry. You know the story. And thank you – really – thank you from the real bottom of my heart. I so respect and value your thoughts and support! Your encouragement really does mean the world to me – thank you. And the sleep thing? It’s just a thorn – just a thorn in my side – it has its use – it makes me better even as it makes me less – and now with Sara I’m reminded that a thorn is just a thorn… Just a thorn. Layla, you are one of the special ones. God bless you!

Reply

Debbie September 13, 2011 at 2:35 am

God bless you Craig, on this your birthday! I felt the post so deeply and thank you for showing us how whatever we are going through, Jesus does know about it and how it feels. How you managed to convey that so well, in your sleep deprived state, is nothing short of a miracle. You know, that you do 2 posts a day, every day, is a MIRACLE. You are a miracle of His! :) Praying for you lots of love and encouragement, birthday blessings and peace, today and everyday!

Reply

Craig September 19, 2011 at 6:18 pm

Debbie, first, sorry I’m so late in replying – you know the story. I heart your comments – from the very beginning they’ve been a treasure to me. Thank you for your birthday blessings – they meant a lot to me on that day – they still do ((( smile))) God bless you Debbie!

Reply

Leave a Comment

Previous post:

Next post: