Love attacks the button with intent and purpose

by Craig on October 4, 2011

1 cor 13 love does not fear, love casts out fearsource

I sit here feeling very unworthy of writing…
fending off fear that I can’t put any useful words down at all.

I just read an e-mail from a friend about fear. The timing of the e-mail, and the shared thoughts on totally different battlefronts, but absolutely the same theme, reminds me how much humanity we share – and why this bloggy thing we do is so meaningful – to share heart to heart, surpassing bounds of space – that’s love – that’s the kingdom of God.

Love feels…
feeling is living…
sharing feelings…is sharing life.

Now, don’t tell any other men I said that.
I could lose my man card.
And don’t tell any of them I said this…
men avoid the “feeling” thing by talking incessantly…
about sports, and cars, and work, and weather…

I’ve shared before how nearly every day before dawn…
as I sit down and type these words to you…
I fear that they won’t be of any use for you.

The fear weighs down…
like being inside an hourglass…
sand pouring from the top.

At first it’s just sand, you only notice that it’s pelting you….
But before long what you previously only felt on your head…
now has your feet trapped and you can’t move….

1 cor 13 love does not fear, love casts out fearsource

and then it works its way up…
and the increasing pressure of one grain of sand…
multiplied, and multiplied, and multiplied…
freezes you still.

The grains began pouring yesterday…
and this morning my hands couldn’t move…
but knowing you would be here…
and knowing how much I want to share…
and looking so forward to your comments that complete my posts…
this begins to free fingers from sand.

And I talk to our Lord about it…
and I hear this…

“Has this fear proven itself to be real, like a blazing inferno inside the house from which you have to run?”

*I corrected God’s grammar, by the way, because he said “run from” and he really shouldn’t have ended a sentence with a preposition. Sorry God. ツ*

And I think of how I have written well over 500 posts in less than 10 months…
and every. single. one. began in fear…
but ended with a pleasantly surprised, “Did I just write that?”

1 cor 13 love does not fear, love casts out fearsource

This fear is irrational because you guys are so full of love…
And I heart writing for you…
and I don’t want to disappoint you.

And so I ask God, “What do I do now?”

And I get silence…

and in the silence I watch Laska the love Kitty…

he’s attacking a button on a pair of my shorts…

and with so much determination and purpose…

like life itself depends on ripping off that button…

and I notice tears rolling down my cheeks…

and I have my answer…

If the fear is rational then run…

if not…

attack the button with Laska-ish determination and purpose.

{ 22 comments… read them below or add one }

Andrea Dawn October 4, 2011 at 11:42 am

Love. love, love how He uses Laska to speak to you . . . and the tears, rolling down the cheeks. . . in the precise moment that I catch the revelation, receive the answer, tears almost always come with it.

So glad you have more to talk about than cars, sports, work and the weather. Keep writing, we’ll keep reading. Blessings to you this day, Craig.

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Craig October 4, 2011 at 1:20 pm

Andrea Dawn, I’ve said this before, you moms have kids to teach you – I have the love Kitty. and don’t get me wrong, I don’t talk cars, but I do talk sports – I may emote like a girl – but I’m still very much a little boy at heart. God bless you Andrea Dawn – and I heart how God teaches me through Laska too.

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Debbie October 4, 2011 at 12:58 pm

How perfect, Craig! And helpful! I love how He speaks to you and us through Laska too!
God bless you as you attack this button!

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Craig October 4, 2011 at 1:21 pm

Debbie, like I just told Andrea Dawn, moms learn of God’s love through their babies – I have Laska. And I attack this button – Every. Single. Day. I didn’t is used to – I do now. God bless you Debbie.

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Cora October 4, 2011 at 1:31 pm

If it’s real, run! If not, attack it! —- I love it, Craig. In a matter of about 5 seconds, I took a run through my life, and there weren’t very many REAL fears, especially in my adult years. But I did a lot of running —- I still try to outrun the horses who snort their lies down my neck.
I read your blog, and all the others, and I sit with my hands on the keyboard and wonder about saying anything at all. So far, the biggie of my day is that I forgot to buy tomatoes at the grocery store — the one thing I went in their for. NOT a blog worthy post at all. And then the guilt pours in, for the Lord has done so much for me and I think: Is there NOTHING in all of that worth telling the world????? Somehow, pulling weeds, mowing, fixing dinner, doing the laundry, running the vacuum, etc., just doesn’t seem literary to me. I think I need to read Brother Lawrence again.
Don’t ever let anyone (even those horses on your wall) tell you that your writing is not post worthy. I haven’t read even one yet that even fell into the “so-so” category! I come every day, sometimes often, just to read the comments left, and to chew on what you say. I don’t mean for this to add to the pressure you feel, but I feel I have to tell you my heart!

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Craig October 4, 2011 at 1:44 pm

Cora – me too – too much running. And Cora – forgetting the one thing you went into buy – that’s major blog fodder – and think about the spiritual analogies for that – I say go for it! My analogy was the cat chewing on a button – pretty much on par with tomatoes ツ and thank you Cora – I say this in humility – but there isn’t a post that I’ve written that I haven’t hearted – and gotten better over time – and believe me I say that with absolute humility too. You would think that would be enough to stop the fear – it hasn’t been – it may not be – but I’ll just keep going anyway. And Cora, it doesn’t add to the pressure – it just humbles me, and it makes me smile – it’s nice to hear – and that old voice – to not believe the good things that nice people say – that horse is pretty tame. Still rears up – but it’s pretty tame now. And I think I still have to finish up the war on the negative voices – starting tomorrow… God bless you Cora

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Lisa Maria October 4, 2011 at 4:38 pm

Dear Craig

I know how that kind of fear works.. its the one that spirals up from inside where those little voices dwell that say you aren’t good enough, can’t do anything right or just simply nobody would like you anyway. Thank God for His Grace which covers over all and gives us the strength to face and fight our fears. Your blog is all about love, love is all about giving… so just keep on giving your love Craig, don’t worry about how it is received. God’s love is all around us and, as you see with your cat, He uses anything and everything to speak to us and inspire us.

Thanks for visiting my blog and the blessing of your kind words. Thank you most of all for your prayers. God bless your kind heart!

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Craig October 5, 2011 at 6:59 pm

first, Lisa Maria, I’m sorry I’m so late responding to your comment – computer problems. before Sara left this Earth – I was finishing a series on the negative voices that we all hear that hold us back. Of course – like so many – my number one negative voice was, “you’re not good enough”. This week I’m going to go back to that series and finish it up. And Amen, God does use whatever means necessary to get the message we need to hear across to us. God is nice. And praying? That’s one of the true blessings of blogging – so many people to pray for – I hearted praying for you. I’ll hearted the next time too. God bless and keep you. Lisa Maria

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Linda October 4, 2011 at 5:28 pm

What? I only hope to one day write as well. You didn’t need to tell me on your comment, I’ve been reading what you’ve been going through. And it feels good to feel so much love for a brother or sister in Christ we never even met. But we do meet each other on our writing, so fear not, for if not useful it is written to witness. and we do not witness ourselves but our Father, and He is always useful. I will always heart your blog and the teachings by lovely Laska. blessings

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Craig October 5, 2011 at 7:06 pm

Linda, I’m so sorry I’m so late replying. Computer problems. The first non-heart problem I’ve had for weeks. And I don’t know if anyone outside of our blog world understands how affected we can be by people we never meet. I might not have a year ago. I do now. And thank you – oh, how quickly I forget that it’s not all about me – humanity gets so in the way of our holiness sometimes. Thank you for centering me again. And thank you for hearting my blog. And thank you for using heart as a verb – I heart that! and funny you should mention Laska – he has a post today ツ God bless you and keep you , Linda

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Eden October 4, 2011 at 9:37 pm

Craig,

I found your blog from Sara’s (who’s blog I stumbled on from another the last week of August.) My only regret is that I didn’t find them both sooner. I have enjoyed reading what you have written over the last few weeks, and the archives that I have read, and hope that you will continue to attack your fear and keep publishing.

I love the analogy with your Laska. My cats teach me things all the time, and they are a constant source of joy and comfort on both my good and bad days. I do not know what I would do without them.

I enjoy hearing about cars, sports, work, and the weather (well maybe not the weather, my body seems to be a better weather predictor than the weather channel) :) , but I’m glad that you are not afraid to branch out and address other topics. Keep writing, I know that I, for one, will keep reading!

~Eden

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Craig October 5, 2011 at 7:20 pm

Eden, first of all, I’m so sorry for being so late in replying to your comment. Computer problems. Sorry! And thank you for commenting. I had no idea you were reading. I haven’t really been able to bring myself to read anything other than Sara for the last few weeks. I’m just now getting around to reading the blogs that I heart. I know already. I’ll heart reading yours. And thank you, I will continue to attack the fear like a string. People like you make that battle a lot easier. And I’m glad you have cats – the dog people around here outnumber the cat people ツ and they are little smile factories aren’t they?! And I never blog about sports or cars or weather – if I’m not blogging with heart – I shouldn’t be blogging – that’s why I blog in this community – Christian women – especially Christian moms write theology with heart that men simply don’t approach. Eden, thank you so much, your comment brought a smile, smiles have been rare, butter are making a comeback. Thank you. And God bless and keep you.

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Dawn October 4, 2011 at 9:55 pm

Dear Craig,

My negative voices are flesh and blood real and shout at me every day. A wise, loving man I know once said, “When you love you feel.” The only way you can do the job I presently have the way my employers expect it done is to not care. My dogs help me learn lessons on life. Tomorrow I go looking for another job and getting estimates on what cancer treatment for my husband will cost without insurance. I guess you’d call that running.

I’m glad you fight those feelings in the wee hours of the morning and get tapping,
Dawn

I’m glad you get up in the morning

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Craig October 5, 2011 at 7:31 pm

I had a feeling that’s where this current situation was going to lead you Dawn. I have prayed for the right job to find you – and the associated problems – I didn’t even know about the cancer treatments. no advice – I’m learning not to give advice so quickly – and just listen, and feel. I’m feeling right now. I’m with you. And it’s kind of a miracle that I have beaten back those feelings every. single. time. sometimes just barely. Thank you Dawn, and you know I mean that from my heart. God bless you!

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Layla Payton October 5, 2011 at 12:37 am

Go to my homeschool blog. Look to the right (scroll down a tad). What do you see?

Nuff said.

And I put that there BEFORE I read this post. I am only putting the ones I read, or like, the most.

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Craig October 5, 2011 at 7:43 pm

first, sorry I’m so late responding, computer problems. Second, I went to your other blog first – and just read a bit – I heart that heart on your other blog ツ . And third, thank you Layla, I am so, so, so glad that are words crossed paths. and it helps in fighting back the fear that people with hearts like yours heart some of the stuff that I write. Thank you Layla , really. God bless!

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Tracie October 5, 2011 at 12:37 am

Attack that button!!

I love it. I have written words that began in fear, only to see them turn into something beautiful, because of God’s grace.

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Craig October 5, 2011 at 7:46 pm

Tracie, first of all, I had computer problems today – so I’m sorry for responding so late to your comment. And I will keep attacking that button – Laska was so full of determination. And I need that button – but I didn’t want to stop him. I need THAT determination. Have I mentioned that I am really, really, really happy that you found me. God bless you, Tracie.

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Layla Payton October 5, 2011 at 12:37 am

…*heart* the most…

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Craig October 5, 2011 at 7:46 pm

when I first saw this comment. It was in my e-mail – and I couldn’t understand it – now, reading both – I get it – and I heart it! God bless you!

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Layla Payton October 5, 2011 at 9:05 pm

Yeah, Tracie & I posted at the same time. Oops! Sorry for the confusion. LOL

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Craig October 6, 2011 at 5:28 pm

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