Love gives what it has, no matter how little

by Craig on October 6, 2011

1 cor 13 love is kind, i had little to give a dying friend, I gave sunrisessource

I never understood this.
People outside of our bloggy world can’t understand it.
And I guess we should be understanding of that

Because unless we’re in this community where we don’t meet each other face-to-face, but only through words, and yet forge powerful bonds, we can’t really expect others to comprehend that.

How could I…
having never met Sara…
never spoken to her…
feel her heart as I did, and cry so much…
and now feel the warmth inside…
that comes from believing to the point of knowing…
that sweet Sara is alive and in bliss with her Creator…
and our Creator…
and her Savior…
and ours?

1 cor 13 love is kind, i had little to give a dying friend, I gave sunrisessource

I couldn’t be at Sara’s bedside while she was dying. That was a place for family and closest friends. But at her bedside they read to her tweets, and texts, and blog posts, and emails – because that was Sara’s world while confined by her illness to her condo.  This bloggy bond we have – because of it Sara was escorted out of this life, by family, and close friends, and bloggy friends from all over the world.

That makes me smile.

And this is a really small thing, what I did, maybe so small that Sara never even knew I did it. But every morning on Twitter, knowing she couldn’t watch the sunrise, I gave her a moment by moment account. They were a little tiny gift, really all I could give. I’m not a poet but these little snippets of sunrise are as close to natural, and easy poetry, as I have ever come.

I won’t bore you with all of them, but I’ll share the one I wrote the morning of her death.

Each tweet began with, Sara Sunrise – and ended with…

Today’s Sunrise was brought to you by the letters S…..A…..R…..and…..A

and now the tweets I didn’t know were a poem…

1 cor 13 love is kind, i had little to give a dying friend, I gave sunrisessource

night rain yields to predawn mist, sliver of moon breaks through, ringed in glow

no birds yet, no frogs, no crickets, just serene stillness amid fog…

now, predawn blue reflects off invisible water droplets, all is sapphire tones

sliver moon stares defiant at dawn, blue mist undulates like waves on sea…

one solitary bird chirps, persistent, insistent. Then many birds take to flight

the sliver moon, definite though obscured by haze –  will the Sun rise today?

blue mist turns gray, sliver moon hidden, clouds hover above mist, all is hush

birds scurry through sky, urgency on wing, mist and fog, but lighter, brighter

today no sunrise, only earth suspended in cloud, yet we know the Sun is there

morning sans sunrise, Sun still there. We believe that which we cannot see…

And that was the last sunrise I shared with Sara via Twitter.

Sara left this earth that night.

My mother died at 11:13 PM nearly 20 years ago.

Sara died at 11:14 PM just days ago.

Both are no longer bound by time.

Just. Eternal. Love.

{ 19 comments… read them below or add one }

Mary M October 6, 2011 at 9:06 am

Eternal rest grant unto them, O Lord!…remembering your mother in prayer today, and Sara too.

This morning at breakfast, my father told a story about Padre Pio who said that he believed that his grandparents were in Heaven because of the Rosaries he had said and the ones he hadn’t said yet. When asked for an explanation, he said, “God’s time is not our time.”

…so I’ll just keep on praying, giving the little that I have to give, even though I hope your mother and Sara don’t need my prayers :)…thanks for this post, Craig!

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Craig October 6, 2011 at 3:24 pm

Mary, thank you for the prayers. I have this theory – about time and eternity – and I was going to say it – then I thought – no – it’s too much. But I read about what your father said – and now I can’t resist. The theory is that when we leave time – when we die – we are released from the bonds of time – and are released into eternity. So for instance, when my mom left this Earth, when she opened her eyes, she saw me, and I saw her. Even though I hadn’t left time yet – in eternity – well – like your dad said – God’s time, not our time. Thank you for that. And prayers? Prayers are never, NEVER little. Thank you Mary – and I have told you by the way that my mom’s name is Mary haven’t I? God bless you!

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Mary M October 6, 2011 at 9:15 am

ps, I’m listening to a cd from a retreat I went to on shuffle, and Sarah Brightman’s “Pie Jesu” just came on…perfect timing! …Dona eis requiem!

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Craig October 6, 2011 at 3:25 pm

I just listened to it myself, it’s glorious. Thank you for that too.

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Megan (Best of Fates) October 6, 2011 at 10:47 am

What a beautiful post. And I’m so sorry for your loss.

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Craig October 6, 2011 at 3:30 pm

thank you Megan, and what we lose, heaven gains.it’s taken a while, but I’m smiling about where she is now, and the bliss, and the peace, and the love. No more tears. God bless you, Megan.

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Kristi October 6, 2011 at 11:27 am

Craig~ What a beautiful, beautiful post! I’m very sorry for your loss. I have to say that you gave her such a precious gift with your attention and love. The sunrise poems (yes! They are poetry!) on Twitter are just an amazing idea.
I have a friend who I’m losing to cancer. One of my face-to-face friends….young mom, incrediable faith, strong prayer warrior…she is incrediable. She has taught me that it’s not a cliche when we say “We can’t take it with us when we die”. We truly only take the love…that which we put out, that which people graced us with, and of course, the Lords love above all.
I am so glad to be back reading you. To steal one of your phrases….I heart your words!
Blessings~

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Craig October 6, 2011 at 3:33 pm

Christie, that is so sad, your friend, a mom, and so full of faith. Sara faced the end just like that. Inspiring faith to the very end. I said no more tears – I have some now ツ. And what a beautiful thought – that the love – the love we take with us – and heaven is all love – infinite love – and how can you add infinite – you can’t – but I’m sure God can – only God can work out mathematics like that! And, of course, thank you – every time I see heart used as a verb – especially when somebody is doing it just to be nice – makes me smile. Blessings to you. Kristi.

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L.L. Barkat October 6, 2011 at 6:18 pm

This poem is ethereal. Fitting, it seems.

And the photos. Wow. I just want to live in them for a while…

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Craig October 6, 2011 at 7:07 pm

I’m honored – really. You see, I’m not really a poet, I’m finding that my writing is becoming more poetic by reading people who write prose like it’s poetry – Amber and Sarah Sophia, and Ann, and Emily – every single one of them is a mom – and it’s not just them. That’s why I’ve blogged here among the “mommy bloggers” – the heart behind the words and lyrical quality – men just don’t do that. And really, this wasn’t a poem, it was just a series of tweets describing the sunrise for someone who couldn’t see. And yes, to have it end like it did, not seeing the sun, but knowing it’s there, believing what we can’t see. For this to be the last sunrise that I tweeted about for Sara – yes – it does seem fitting. I know how you write, and I know of the poetry at your site, so I don’t go often because I’m a little intimidated. I promise I’ll try to overcome that. Again, thank you, I’m honored. God bless and keep you and each and every one of yours.

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L.L. Barkat October 6, 2011 at 7:42 pm

Oh! Please do come by. We are a community of learners, supporting each other in our words. Yours are lovely and I think you would find a place to share without embarrassment.

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Debra October 7, 2011 at 12:24 am

Beautiful Craig!
I just lost a dear friend this week, a poet friend named Nancy. Sometimes, when I’m remembering the moments we spent together, I wonder why we don’t ponder those happy memories while our loved ones are still alive…wonder why we wait until they’re gone.

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Craig October 7, 2011 at 2:21 pm

and I kow, by reading your comment on Martha’s blog, that your back has been hurting, I want you to know that I have prayed for it – I just finished. I hope it gets better – or manageable. And Debra, I think we do ponder them – they just take on a different flavor when the other person is not here – absence makes the heart grow fonder. No? But I get what you’re saying. I really do. God bless you my friend.

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thefisherlady October 7, 2011 at 2:30 am

heaven will heal all wounds
and speak the words kept silent
from hearts once bound
then freed.

love
will be our peace
for face to face with its Creator
love will simply ‘be’

It is wonderful Craig, to ‘feel’ your words, and know your tender heart for God’s own!

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Craig October 7, 2011 at 2:25 pm

see – now there’s poetry! Those were very peaceful words – and made me smile. And the heart wasn’t always so tender – it is now – it is now. God bless you Susan!

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Katie October 8, 2011 at 11:05 pm

Craig through your journey of saying goodbye to Sara, I have thought often of an online friend I lost years ago, Nattie. I only knew her through a private women’s message board, but she inspired most of us with her joy and happiness through her fight with cancer. Nattie loved reading, wearing crowns, and purple toenails. So every year on the anniversary of her death many of us do all of these in memory of her. Most important thing she taught me was to make lists of what makes us happy and smile each day of all the small things in this world. Thank you for sharing your sorrow with us.

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Craig October 9, 2011 at 10:10 am

I think that’s a beautiful tribute to your friend. I remember reading at the very start of blogging about people calling each other friends – though they had never met. It made no sense to me. So I have to be forgiving of people who don’t get it. We do make friends. And your friend – she left you a beautiful lesson. I write my thank you lists on Mondays because of Ann Voskamp – we really need to give thanks – because it’s so easy to see the bad – it helps us to see more of the good. Thank you Katie, and God bless you as always.

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Nacole@sixinthesticks October 12, 2011 at 12:14 pm

Craig,

this. is. beautiful.

now you cant say that you dont or cant write poetry–because ive seen right here, first hand, you can. this is amazing. i love the ending. dont stop doing this.

blessings.

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Craig October 12, 2011 at 2:38 pm

Nacole, my friend – it only turned out to be a poem – it was just a series of tweets. All of my sunrise gifts were just a series of tweets. They just turned out to be poems. my posts also sometimes work out this way – I think it’s just reading really good writers – like one I know in Mississippi (it is Mississippi right?). You pick up the lyrics and rhythm in the heart of the words that you read. Thank you Nacole and God bless you and yours!

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