Love says thank you 1,000 times (#’s 711-721)

by Craig on December 26, 2011

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This month was just supposed to be a study of humility…
leading to a quiet, humble, simple Christmas season.

I sought humility, and as so often happens with God, I didn’t find it
it found me…cut me low…to the core…exposed…vulnerable…bleeding…

slandered… (if you don’t know, it began here, but there did not stay)

and not just once, but in waves…
through both events and people…
all the details I’ll never know…
of how good intentions went so wrong…
and even if I knew them I’m not sure I should share.

This month there has been the retelling of The Emperor with No Clothes
but in this real life version he realizes it…and has wanted time to stop…so he can hide.

#711… that so many people, when I was slandered, came rushing to my aid with advice, with wisdom, with caring, truth in love, and the love of God in human form – thank you.

#712… that one person, greatly admired, and trusted, stepped in to help continue the dream, and remains even after I questioned their true motives – I’m sorry.

If you read me then know me, better than anyone ever has.
I filter through God first, but you get the real me…

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#713… that I am not what I was made out to be, though the words made me feel every bit that way. Feelings can betray…regardless of truth.

#714… that the humiliation of earlier this month…
multiplied with more, and more devastating, just before Christmas…
if I choose to let Our Lord teach me through it, fashion my character through trial…
there will be more and better left over after being reduced.
I don’t feel this – but I believe this.

#715… that faith doesn’t depend on feelings.

This month has been wave after wave of reduction, and not just in this world of blogging, but further and deeper. I’ve had to fight, every day, the desire to quit, curl up in a ball, close the drapes, hide in the dark.

This last year, when Sara died, I cried nearly unabated for days, weeks. But the salt in the tears this month has not been the same…

far less noble…
the tears then were for Sara…

these have been for me.

#716… that the tears God cries are noble.

#717… that God’s delays are not God’s denials, and human denials are not the end.

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#718… that You have made me, Lord, a weeble…
a lifetime of falling over…
but never staying down.

#719… that there is light even in the darkest of Christmases.

#720… that I know that I know that I know, how much God loves to put together that which has been broken.

#721… that right now I’m broken.

{ 17 comments… read them below or add one }

Kris December 26, 2011 at 10:23 am

Continuing to pray for you, what a hard list of gifts here… I have no good words, only that God IS faithful and that he redeems all things for His glory…. praying for you….

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Craig December 26, 2011 at 12:45 pm

They are all gifts – maybe hard ones – but Ann says if we don’t count the bad things, we’re miscounting. Every word you wrote was good, by the way. Thank you Kris,and thank you for your prayers, God bless you.

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Erin December 26, 2011 at 8:44 pm

The hard eucharisteo as Anne has said. Yesterday there were many dark places for me but as you said there is light even in the darkest of Christmases. I love how you said that God loves to put together that which has been broken.

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Craig December 27, 2011 at 11:16 am

Erin, I’m not sure if God has hobbies – but I think one of his would be piecing back together people who are broken – and saved or not, we’re all broken. He’s done it already with the universe – an ongoing project begun on Calvary – one-act – but the repercussions flowing down through the centuries, and to our lives. I hope you don’t mind but I prayed for you and your “dark places”. I don’t know the details – our Lord does. God bless you.

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Kelly December 26, 2011 at 10:27 am

He is faithful. Trust that. Lean on it! Blessings to you this new year!

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Craig December 26, 2011 at 12:48 pm

Kelly, thank you – and I am needing to respond as our Lord would have responded – less like me – more like him. It’s the response to this that, in the end, will be more important then the event. more like him – less like me. blessings to you and yours Kelly

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Maria December 26, 2011 at 12:17 pm

Dear Craig, I’ve only been online sporadically so I am not sure what you have been going through, but no matter what please know that just as you have people slandering you, you also have Him and an Army of fellow bloggers that support you. Praying for you.

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Craig December 26, 2011 at 7:24 pm

Maria, it’s always a good reminder – to be reminded that I have HIM. And the army of followers – well maybe we’ll just call it a happy little band. ツ Thank you for your support – thank you even more for your prayers. I need to respond to this challenge in love – WW JD – it sounds so trite – but I need to respond like he would respond. Anyway, thank you again, and God bless you.

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Kristin December 26, 2011 at 12:48 pm

I’m with Maria here. I’m so sorry for whatever it is you have gone through, but do know how many in the blogging world love you and think the world of you! I love the weeble picture. . .no matter how many times we get knocked down, with Jesus, we can get right back up!

(we have that exact little humble Charlie Brown tree at the top of your blog:)

Praying you have a most blessed New Year!

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Craig December 26, 2011 at 7:28 pm

thank you Kristin. I’ve got a pretty long history of getting back up after falling down – even way before I knew our Lord – but getting back up with him is far different, and far better, then clawing your way back up yourself. And you know, since what happened has happened – beginning right about on 7 December – it’s been that long since I’ve said this word as a verb. The way HE helps us get up – I heart that. And I think next year I’m gonna look for a Charlie Brown tree. God bless you Kristin.

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Katie December 26, 2011 at 6:26 pm

I for one am glad you fight the feelings to hide, yet I so know them well, as we have discussed before. We are alike in wanting to hide when we are hurting. I love the Craig you show us flaws, hurts, hopes, and dreams. You also always show us God. I am thankful.

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Craig December 26, 2011 at 7:33 pm

well, I guess I only have to fight those feelings for another few days – this year I named “connect” – it’s about to run out– so I can start disconnecting again ( just kidding, really, warts and all – we aren’t made to be disconnected – I’ve learned something from this year) I still wonder sometimes if I spill a little too much here, it may be more flowers and sunshine and rainbows would be better – but it’s not like I have children to protect – so I have to be careful about posting pictures, or mentioning their names, or have to worry about mentioning too much personal stuff in order to protect a family – I guess it’s one of the advantages to being single – I just have to worry about me, and God, and Laska the Love Kitty. Anyway, thank you Katie, God bless you.

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Joy @ Joy in This Journey December 27, 2011 at 4:46 pm

I don’t like blogs that are all sunshine and flowers and rainbows. I appreciate people who are real, though respectful of others and their need to protect themselves and families.

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Dawn December 27, 2011 at 3:43 pm

Dear Craig,

I have no idea what is going on here. I do not know why God has allowed all this, but somehow it will be for your good. Your connection with God is the primary connection this year (and every year). The connections with other bloggers are secondary. Your intimate partner is God #712 you filter through Him first. Did He not feel extra close this Christmas? The light is always brightest in the darkest places #719.

I think the weeble at the end is a great picture of you, all you are. I wonder if all the physical and mental abuse you suffered as a child has toughened you to get back up. The day you stood in the face of your mother’s husband’s wrath, he backed down. You were an innocent then. You are an innocent now. What enabled you to stand? What you learned that day may be valuable now.

I am sick about all this, but this is the hard eucharisteo. You said it so well. You are single. No one gets hurt, but you. Your friends hurt for you, but we are not in the line of fire. We are praying and I’m sure Satan is upset, but God is greater. We have your back, Craig. Carry on! Show us what love would do.

Dawn

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Craig December 27, 2011 at 6:00 pm

one of the responses of love is pretty clear to me – despite my desire to defend my reputation – I think about Jesus – and with all the people not getting him – and how he was misunderstood – I don’t know where there’s an example of him trying to defend his own reputation. So I’m thinking that must be pride – not love. I want to do it – I really really really want to do it – it’s not love. To defend the reputation of another is love – but not necessarily one’s own…still processing. Thank you Dawn. I am a weeble ツ

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Mari December 27, 2011 at 10:00 pm

Well I just have to say Amen! to: ” #717… that God’s delays are not God’s denials, and human denials are not the end”. Both are such profound truths! Just wish I knew when situations are a “delay” or not 😉 Hope this week brings you peace of mind and emotions…

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Craig December 28, 2011 at 2:49 pm

Mari, it is really hard to tell the difference between the two – sometimes the path is blocked because we shouldn’t be on it – sometimes it’s blocked to make us go around the obstacle – and learn – and grow. And you are so right – it’s hard to tell which is which sometimes. And healing? People like you are making the healing easier. To respond in love – that’s the thing. And I know I said it once already – but since it’s belated…

☆.•*¨*•.•*¨`*•.¸.•*¨`*•. .•*¨`*•.☆ HAPPY BIRTHDAY ☆.•*¨*•.•*¨`*•.¸.•*¨`*•. .•*¨`*•.☆

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