Love gets the balance between the holy and the…well…you’ll see

by Craig on February 28, 2012

What happens when we fast...feet on the ground...heart to heaven...source

And I give my cares over to him.

I try to breathe in peace…breathe out stress.
I do it seven times. Seven’s a nice biblical number. No?

This is part three of my 2 day Lenten fast. I don’t fast often, but too many little miracles of inspiration hit during this one not to do it again. Part one is here, and two is here, in case you’d like to peek.

And I ponder…

the eternal God cares so much that he wants to carry the menial concerns of tiny specks of life scurrying around on a blue dot, spinning in space. He has adopted the specks, and he wants to adopt their burdens too…

and I hold as tightly to mine as to life itself…
and too often give neither them nor my life fully over to Him.

I’m a nobody to the world…
and even less to the universe…
but I am, we are, everything to its Creator…
and I’ve been so much trouble to God.

And I try to breathe in peace…
but it’s not working very well.

What happens when we fast...feet on the ground...heart to heaven...

I worry that I don’t believe enough to make this happen.

I remind myself that faith doesn’t depend on feelings.

What happens when we fast...feet on the ground...heart to heaven...source

I breathe in the last of the seven breaths…
breathe it out…
let it go…

and there’s tension in my shoulders and I stretch and relax them.
We must hold a lot of tension in our shoulders.

And it feels…

better…

kind of sweet…

like the smell of pancakes on a Sunday morning.

And I give into the peace…
And it’s all heavenly…

and…

pounce!

What happens when we fast...feet on the ground...heart to heaven...source

Laska the Love Kitty lands on my lap with a trill.

My left arm involuntarily jolts in response.
The nearby mug of tea tumbles to the carpet.
And I say…

I say…

I can’t believe I say…

in the middle of this lovely, peaceful, God centered meditation…

“Crap!”

I jump up to clean the stain.
I think how I so quickly jump out of holy adoration and meditation…

and into “Crap!”

A smile breaks.

We live, balancing now and not yet…
not knowing for sure if what we believe is true…
but believing nonetheless…
because where proof is possible faith is impossible…
and God obviously wants us to believe.

And sometimes…
the cat jumps…

What happens when we fast...feet on the ground...heart to heaven...source

the tea spills…
and life is a bunch of…

well…you know.

A tiny epiphany…
and I prepare to get “spiritual” again…

and tomorrow a little more…
this is just the beginning of the epiphanies…

I heart the word epiphany!
It’s lots prettier than “crap”.

Please. Come. Back.

{ 20 comments… read them below or add one }

Katie February 28, 2012 at 11:26 am

Hi Craig,
Your posts have spoken deeply to my heart, for that I am grateful. God has done some small bits and broken through many things lately. It is a good place I am in even if it is hard and feels well, like “crap.” I am grateful for the gentle reminders from God through your writing.

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Craig February 29, 2012 at 3:08 pm

A good place that feels like “crap” – I get that – how it can be both – and I’m glad you do too Katie. God bless you my friend! I’m grateful for YOU!!

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Cora February 28, 2012 at 5:56 pm

Oh, Craig!!!! You have so described the story of my life — on foot in depths of spirituality and so close to God, and the other foot in the. . . well, as you so aptly described it . . . the crap of life! The most amazing thing isn’t that we find ourselves balancing like this — it’s that God knows all about it, sees us handle it (or NOT handle it), and loves us so much all the same. Don’t you think He must find it all a little comical and smiles just a little????? My father used to have this little twitch of a smile. There was a Dutch word for it and I couldn’t even begin to spell it, but that’s what I think of when I think of God seeing us with one foot here and there other. . . . there! Thank you for reminding me of my human-ness and of God’s . . . .well, understanding that!

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Craig February 29, 2012 at 3:11 pm

Cora, maybe he smiles at the little foibles – but mostly, when he sees us with 1 foot in both places, and he knows how much better it would be if we always followed him, always obeyed, always trusted, and always believed – I think that must make him cry a little – he cries for our pain – he feels our pain – he feels our “crap” blessings to you – how is it they say it? “My sister from another mother” (◔‿◔)were

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Layla Payton February 29, 2012 at 12:23 am

This is one of my favorite posts! Seriously. I was all into the poetry of it. Then the humor. Then I stepped into the steaming pile of *crap*!

BAHAHAHAHA!

What a brilliant illustration of reality. Thank you for that. I once put the word “crap” in a post. I have even thought about removing it, but it was an actual part of the evening that I posted about. It was an inside joke, and I fear that something would have been lost without it. Why? Because I don’t walk around talking like a Sunday School teacher. Mind you, I’ve never been a cusser, but there are those “acceptable/tacky” works that occasionally slip out (oops!). And I wince at the rare times my kids have repeated those words (ouch). But…LOL!!! I was soooooo stinking happy to see our dear Craig ler ‘er rip! Why? Because I can totally relate. Oh! Can I ever relate. Just when I think I have reached that holy moment…all beautiful & golden…I step right into a steaming pile of…it. And I remember that I need HIM. I need HIM to keep my “shoes” clean. And it’s going to take more than seven breaths for me to chill out. 😉

And that thought leads me to this one, “…and there’s tension in my shoulders and I stretch and relax them. We must hold a lot of tension in our shoulders.”

Yes! I believe that we do carry tension in our shoulders. Generally, I am weary from all of the stuff I have literally carried. Laundry, toys, moving boxes, etc. Now, think about how we are told to come to Him when we are weary. And, now, think about how He physically carried the Cross.

Where did He go when His shoulders were weary?

Yeah…to the Father.

I am talking in circles, so you’ll have to forgive the randomness. I blame it on the two E.R. visits this weekend, and pure exhaustion. But…

I just loved this, Craig. :)

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Nacole February 29, 2012 at 3:05 pm

Layla,

this made me cry, really. “I am weary from all of the stuff I have literally carried. Laundry, toys, moving boxes, etc. Now, think about how we are told to come to Him when we are weary. And, now, think about how He physically carried the Cross” …wow. i needed that. *thank you* us moms carry so much, we all do–even Craig, though he isn’t a mom *wink*, or a parent, he has his own trials to wade through. i can’t get over this idea that God keeps pressing on my heart, that we are just weary sojourners, pilgrims in a world where we don’t belong, orphans waiting at the gate until Jesus comes back for us. and we must press on, continue the race, fight, lift one another up, carry one another until He comes. i need to write this down for a post.

blessed beyond words to be a fellow-sojourner with you, friend!

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Craig February 29, 2012 at 3:15 pm

You already have written that post – I remember reading the “orphans at the gate” post – it teared me up. Back in the day – before you were born I’m sure – Cher had a song called gypsies tramps and thieves – that’s kind of what we are – I’m also thinking about a blog post on this – I tweeted about it today with Krissie from always alleluia – she writes a little bit like you – Maybe we’ll coordinate our posts. God bless you Nacole!

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Nacole February 29, 2012 at 3:24 pm

im flattered you remember what i say *wink*, but i haven’t written the post–it was in a comment to you on here a while back–i REALLY need to make it a post, though. and i can’t take credit for the phrase–it’s Lucado’s–oh, well. still a great thought to expound upon, especially since God won’t let me get it out of my head and heart.<3 and i don't know if im catching onto what you mean by coordinating, but that sounds cool.

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Layla Payton February 29, 2012 at 6:47 pm

“…orphans, waiting at the gate.”

Nacole, I’m sure you’ve heard that God sets the lonely in families (Power boost: Psalm 68). When you feel small, scared, tired, weary, or forgotten…

…He will set that lonely, right down into the palm of His hand.

And Craig has struggles, big ones, which he handles with grace. Even on the hard days, you can see his Jesus shining through. :) We truly do NEED each other, as we are pilgrims on the pathway to the Celestial City.

I feel so blessed to be your friend too!

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Nacole February 29, 2012 at 7:13 pm

yep, his Jesus definitely shines through trials, and i for one, am so grateful he blogs about it for us! i said *wink* about the mom thing, because well, you know, he’s a man! hee hee!

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Layla Payton February 29, 2012 at 7:15 pm

*wink*

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Nacole February 29, 2012 at 7:15 pm

oh! forgot to say that i feel all of those things at times–lately quite a lot–thanks for your words.

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Craig February 29, 2012 at 3:21 pm

I’m exhausted just from reading your comment – and I can’t tell you how much I hearted your comment – and how much it made me smile – and how I’m so glad that you relate – and I think I remember reading that post with the aforementioned word – you’re a treasure Layla – thank you – hope you get better sooner rather than later – and hope you stay that way for a while – you deserve it – and one more thing – why is it that when I read the “BAHAHAHAHAHAHA” from you – I can really see you laughing? BIG laughing. God bless you my friend.

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Layla Payton February 29, 2012 at 6:49 pm

You have me all teary-eyed, Craig. Both of you! (Nacole.)

The, “BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” should’ve been followed up with a, *snort!*

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Nacole February 29, 2012 at 3:15 pm

LOVED this, Craig. i think i used up all of my energy and emotion for my reply to Layla–lol–so please refer to that. i wrote it just as much for you, too–sorry about that.

this was so good. *thank you* for being honest–sometimes those of us who struggle with serious issues need to laugh about it a little. it’s still serious–i dont want my girls repeating bad words they hear, either, and i really despise myself when i write a beautiful post and then i turn around and have the ugliest attitude toward my daughters. this is a process and sometimes, sometimes, in this process, the journey needs some laughter along the way. thank you, Craig.

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Craig February 29, 2012 at 3:17 pm

(◔‿◔) I wrote a long reply to your reply to Layla’s comment – I’m not sure if you’ll get an e-mail for that – you might have to come back and read. (◔‿◔)

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Layla Payton February 29, 2012 at 6:53 pm

Uuuuuhhhh….

I totally have NOOOOO idea what it’s like to write up a beautiful post and then step in…

…ahem,

well, anyway. I love not feeling alone in the messy places of life. Knowing that I am NOT the only one. If we were perfect, we wouldn’t need Jesus. Now THERE’S a place I would not like to be…without Jesus.

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Nacole February 29, 2012 at 7:19 pm

😉 you are SO not alone. i met a friend recently and i just love her. you might enjoy reading her blog–she is a homeschool mom who strives to be perfect like us, and fails, but she continues to hold up the godly standard of the word for herself. i think this is the place so many of us are at, and sometimes its hard for us to admit. if you go to Ann’s link-up for today, or for Monday, you will see her in the first few entries–Michele@ A Surrendered Life. just in case you were looking for “real”.

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Layla Payton February 29, 2012 at 9:31 pm

Thank you, Nacole!

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Deb Chitwood March 4, 2012 at 12:06 am

Great post, Craig … fun yet thought-provoking. Life is such a delicate balance, and Lent is the perfect time to contemplate whether we’re finding the right balance. Here’s to finding more of the holy and less of the other!

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