Love sees deeper…and fumbles through thank you’s #889-894

by Craig on April 30, 2012

I don’t much heart moths.

Moths are…

dusty.

Butterflies are more elegant and alluring.

But you work with what you’ve got.

It’s time to see the dusty stuff better anyway…
circumstances…the odds, long and short…
and alongside it all, a little more, a little deeper.

Time to see with better eyes…
in this year I’ve named see.

The day begins…
robin’s egg blue skies…
pillowy white clouds…
the sky is in my windshield…

…see.

And that moth in the picture at the top…
the sun beamed through…making the colors  pop…

like a stained glass window…

source

or its more pedestrian cousin.

I took the shot through the window.
The focus on the glowy moth…
and just below it, out of focus…
my car…

…my car with the sunny blue skies in the windshield.

And I remember the night before…and this other moth in the apartment.
It caused hours of delirious excitement for Laska the Love Kitty.

But that was the night before this sunny day…
this day that would become pitch black in the afternoon…
where too much was destroyed in just 10 minutes…
and with it, my spirit, my courage, my fight.

It’s a happening that I’ll have to unfold during the week. I can’t quite unravel things just yet. I’m only beginning the conversation with God about what happened and why, how I reacted and why, what I should do and why.

And when you hear it you may think it’s the smallest of things. But when you have 4 closets full of shoes and lose two, it’s different than when you have one pair and it comes undone at the seams.

But there’s something to be learned…
from the moth, and the windshield…
and blue skies turning black.

In this year I named “see”…
I’ve already seen deepest darkness…

source

But I’m sensing that I really need to “see” something this week…

the moth…

the windshield…

the sky.

Oh…

and my thank you’s…just a few this week, I’m…

preoccupied.

Thank you God…

#889… that I believe…I believe I believe…that You still have things for me to do.

#890… that You haven’t given up on me…though, for the life of me I can’t figure out why.

#891… for my little community here, friends I’ve never met.

#892…that something is in the air…blessed disaster or blessed miracle…just can’t put my finger on it yet.

#893…that when my head isn’t pointed in the right direction You find ways (that I usually don’t heart much) to capture my attention.

Oh, and I remember now, there was a moth from the night before…

this one.

a little less Lite-Brite-ish, more…

dusty.

It’s reappeared as I write this.

Laska’s been stalking it…

sorry it's all grainy...not being artistic...it was just dark.

 

and I’ve tried to snare it…

but it’s all sorts of dizzy elusive.

I think there’s something important to see, even in that.

I think this will be a week of “see”

{ 35 comments… read them below or add one }

Cora April 30, 2012 at 9:04 am

I HATE these cliffhangers, Craig! I don’t do chapters, episodes, etc. I read the whole book in one sitting. But I guess I have no choice here, so. . .

I was taken by the “blessed disaser or blessed miracle” thing. I really had to smile at that. If I were writing verses for the Bible today, I think the one would say, “All we like Eyore have gone astray, have turned everything He does into disasters and turned to our own ways and laid on Him the blame for it all!” For me, everything is going to turn out a disaster, a mistake, the wrong path, my fault, etc. I’m the queen of Murphey’s Law. But I know better, and so do you, Craig! Shame on us! I know you have committed your ways unto the Lord, so what’s His part of the bargain? Our steps will be established. Yes, in our way of “seeing” things, it may look like a disaster. But is it really???

I’ve had a lot of what I thought were disasters. And maybe to a lot of people, they were. But for me, I’ve seen God’s hand in it all, and NOTHING He touches is ever a disaster.

So, my friend, I’m praying for you today, as I always do. And I hope Laska has a good time with that moth. I wish he were here to catch my lizzard!

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Craig April 30, 2012 at 6:05 pm

first, my friend –when I read a book I’m lucky to go one page at a time – I only speed read while I was in school – I like to take my time with EVERYTHING! And really – if I were to write all of this in one post – who really wants to read a 10,000 word post? And I don’t know it all yet anyway. Second – Amen – we DO know better – no matter what happens, whether it be a miracle or disaster – both are “blessed”. That’s what I believe – that’s what WE believe – that’s our story – and I’m sticking to it! And lastly – although I wasn’t around to see it, I think the poor little moth suffered a slow and torturous death at the hands of a giant cat – kind of sad about that – but it’s nature. Right? It could happen to him if he was outside to – even worse. Right? right? ¯\(°_o)/¯

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Stacy April 30, 2012 at 11:11 am

And here I thought it was a rather pretty moth. :/

I will be looking forward to finding out what you “see” this week. Have a week of wonder, Craig!

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Craig April 30, 2012 at 6:09 pm

Stacy, yes, as moths go it WAS pretty. And it was made even prettier because the sun was shining through it like a Lite Brite – but still – it’s not the same as the butterfly. And the week will be a difficult one – not very good things happened – and the shot of the moth – and the car – in the same frame – well – can’t get ahead of myself. Thank you Stacy, and God bless and keep you – and I WILL “wonder” at what our Lord shows me through this – not so much THIS – but when he shows me THROUGH this.

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Sara Chinander May 2, 2012 at 12:50 pm

As will i, and with much anticipation!!!

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Rebecca April 30, 2012 at 11:52 am

Well…..I will have to read through your coming week to see if this will be a miracle or a disaster but you sure have the ‘blessed’ right for either way it will-work-for-good. Moths? Oh my, we are infested with Miller moths here in the mountain and they are just starting to appear. My Westie is also fascinated with them and will eat (icky) them. I guess I will have to look for the beauty in them (sigh) but it would be a tad easier if they would fly in straight lines rather than flying about like crazed creatures. My favorite – that He captures our attention when our head is not pointed in the right direction.

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Craig April 30, 2012 at 6:14 pm

Rebecca, I’m with you – moths are, as I said, dusty. And that thing about them flying around like crazed creatures – that’s one of the lessons our Lord is teaching me through this – I’m learning a little about moths, butterflies, and I’m listening. And as I told Cora, the poor little moth in the apartment – things didn’t end well for him – Laska. is not always very gentle with his “toys”. God bless you Rebecca, and thank you.

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Nancy April 30, 2012 at 12:14 pm

Why is it that every time I read your blog, every time I read your words there on the screen, every time — I cry. . . wish we could talk long. Have commented only once before, but read often – thank you for sharing your you.

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Craig April 30, 2012 at 6:16 pm

Nancy, you’d be surprised how often I cry when I write these – sometimes really good tears – sometimes not so good – MOSTLY good – but not always. Thank you very much for reading. Thank you, and look for an e-mail from me – one is on the way. God bless and keep you!

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Court April 30, 2012 at 12:26 pm

What a glorious thing to be preoccupied with! I’m playing hooky from work with another migraine and stumbling through worshipping Him with this extra time I’ve been given. (And I love dusty things… just this morning I was looking at my faded flowers and seeing them differently.)

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Craig April 30, 2012 at 6:20 pm

Court – the lessons I have learned already – and the ones I WILL learn through this – they won’t all be easy – I want you to know that I have prayed for your migraine – although I didn’t do it till just now so don’t expect any “prayer help” until – pretty much just now ツ but then – there’s always the chance that our Lord will backdate the prayer – he’s good that way. And you make me think a little – usually a good thing – I think everything on this planet – as glorious as it sometimes appears to us – in the eyes of eternity – in the eyes of heaven – and when we look back upon it – I think we’ll think it was ALL “dusty” – but while we are here – we just need better eyes. God bless you Court!

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Christina April 30, 2012 at 2:37 pm

I hate dark times, hate them. But the light is so bright at the end of the tunnel, often brighter than it was before the darkness. Praying that light shines on you soon! Blessings!

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Craig April 30, 2012 at 6:25 pm

yes, the light is bright at the the end of the tunnel, although I’ve watched enough Road Runner cartoons to know that sometimes it’s just the headlight of an oncoming train ツ but no matter what, no matter WHAT – it is ALL blessing – I really need those better eyes to see that – and to LIVE that – better eyes…better eyes. God bless and keep you Christina!

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Audra Silva April 30, 2012 at 8:01 pm

Those hard lessons, those things we need to see – God is faithful even then. I’m glad I found my way here today. I hear a similar heart cry. Thanks for being vulnerable.

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Craig April 30, 2012 at 8:11 pm

Ann calls them the hard “eucharisteos” – and whether there be a miracle or a disaster – and this post – and this week is not about the miracle – it’ll be about listening, learning, thanking Him for the blessing that He is – even when what happens doesn’t seem so blessed. I’m glad you found your way here – glad you “followed” me too. I read your twitter bio and I’m looking forward to reading you soon. God bless and keep you Audra!!

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chrissy April 30, 2012 at 8:12 pm

Hi craig. This is the first time I have read any of the other posts on 1000 gifts. Dont know why I picked yours. I too am in an odd place waiting for light on my path. I liked your moody sea picture. I moved from england to wales a year ago and it looks like my shore . Always reminding me that we can find beauty in the dark places. Praying He moves the clouds soon for you and blesses in the moonlight

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Craig April 30, 2012 at 8:22 pm

Ahhhhhh – that He” blesses the moonlight”. I heart that!!! Thank you for coming over to my place. Ann is the writer who changed everything for me. I have learned how to write better, how to write more real, just by reading her – and other amazingly talented women like her. This week the clouds didn’t move on until threw palm sized hail for 15 minutes. There are shadows this week – and I’m reminded that shadows themselves are proof of the Light. Anyway, thank you very much, and God bless and keep you Chrissy!!

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chrissy April 30, 2012 at 8:27 pm

Remember .. If you are facing the light the shadows are behind you

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Craig April 30, 2012 at 8:36 pm

SOOOOOOOOOOOO Good!!! So good!! (◔‿◔)

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chrissy April 30, 2012 at 8:43 pm

Ann changed my life too. Helped me dig deep and find the person I had lost. Am writing painting and ringing again now. Oh and the moments! Its so great to be able to see the precious detail of His love for us.

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chrissy April 30, 2012 at 8:45 pm

Wrote ringing .. Meant to write singing! Sometimes predictive text takes over.

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Craig May 1, 2012 at 7:47 pm

I was thinking maybe you were in a church “bell” choir :)

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Carrie April 30, 2012 at 9:29 pm

I can’t wait to return and read what’s happening. I glean so much from you…guess I’ll have to be patient :) Yes, my cats always loved a good moth!

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Craig May 2, 2012 at 3:27 pm

Our Lord, Carrie, is such an expert at bringing gold from garbage. Lots of garbage this week – and I don’t always feel this way through garbage – but after the initial numb, then the sad, I flew into kind of expecting lots of gold – more to follow ツ and I think it’s the erratic flight plan of moths that cats like so much – that’s actually one of the lessons I’m learning this week – having to do with how they fly, and how elusive and evasive it can be – there is good in that – there’s also bad in that – anyway, more later. For now, thank you very much, and God bless you.

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A. April 30, 2012 at 10:00 pm

Craig, I am with Cora…I get all greedy when a read is good and just finish it all right then…and not necessarily on speed dial, either. And, 892 jumped out at me with you in mind, also. I will be watching and reading and praying for you…and bunnies, and all. Craig, the two shoes/one is lost really touched heart. I can picture that one and it brings tears. It is a last straw or last nerve kind of thing, in a way, it sounds. I sure hope 892 for you is a blessing.

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Craig May 2, 2012 at 3:33 pm

Oh, bunnies, still not quite sure what I’m going to do about them – I still think a good long conversation needs to take place – I keep forgetting and forgetting – and they keep reminding me, and damaging things. And the two shoes thing – I think that’s just my way of picturing how relative everything is – in high school, losing a girlfriend of two weeks is a heartbreak – then two weeks becomes nothing. To a billionaire having a million-dollar diamond stolen is nothing – to someone who has nothing, losing a shiny pebble can be a big thing. Disaster and joy – success – both so relative. Anyway, thank you A. – God bless.

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Janelle-A Story of Grace May 1, 2012 at 8:44 am

You write beautifully, Craig. I find you from A Holy Experience.

Janelle

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Craig May 2, 2012 at 3:35 pm

I’m learning Janelle. ツ The more I get to read blogs that I heart – the more I learn. Ann’s writing has changed MY writing the most. Thank you. God bless!

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Glenna May 1, 2012 at 10:47 am

Craig,
I (heart) your list …just made me think of how GOD see us as the beautiful butterfly not as what we are but what we will be !!!! How Aswesome is our GOD who loves us so !!!

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Craig May 2, 2012 at 3:39 pm

true! I don’t think that God sees us as dusty as we are – more the butterfly than the moth. And just for fun – something I remember from seminary, when studying the imagery of God in the Bible, a little-known fact – in the Bible – I can’t remember exactly where – probably one of the prophets – God is pictured as being a moth. Really – it’s there – just nobody ever notices it. THAT’S a little bit of awesome. No? thank you Glenna, and God bless you my friend.

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Katie May 1, 2012 at 2:49 pm

Craig,

Your blog is always so amazing! I love your writing and how God speaks through it to me.

God sees beyond the darkness and dust of our lives…. he sees the light within. We are saints, who sin, that he stands beside facing our sin together. It is my hope I have been clinging to during my own times that are hard.

So I need to go back and read your posts on fighting the thoughts in your head that are NOT true about you. I have been doing that and this week I have been trying to figure out the lies and truth.

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Craig May 2, 2012 at 3:43 pm

about that love war on the negative voices – I never really did finish that up – and not surprisingly, because I never finished it, so many of them have come back. I’ll be getting back to that soon – they really DO need to go – permanently. And that moth – I’ve seen that kind of moth flying around – from the top it’s actually really pretty – from the bottom, not at all. The only reason this month was pretty was because the sun was shining through – I guess there’s something to be learned there too ツ kind of along the lines of what you were thinking in your comment. Anyway, God bless you Katie – and as always thank you for your kind words.

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Deborah May 1, 2012 at 3:03 pm

Craig, I’ve gotten out of the habit of commenting on posts since I read most blogs through my reader…I’m wanting to change that. I came here, giving you my undivided attention, to hear your words, your heart. I leave blessed…well, I’ll leave in a bit, think I’ll poke around a bit and “see” what I’ve missed. Your words always…always touch my heart. Someone today shared one of your posts about Sara. I read that one too. I’ve gone back to the beginning and started reading Sara’s blog….think I’ll do the same here and hope over to the twin too. Thank you for doing community with me!

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Craig May 2, 2012 at 3:48 pm

Well….thank you for commenting here Deborah. It’s really the only way to tell that anyone ever reads you – when you see their little face in the comment section. It’s nice to put a face, and a few words next to the people who read you – and whom you read. Thank you for your kind words – and Sara – oh Sara – such a bright beacon of God’s light – I wonder how heaven is going for her ツ

sorry I’m late replying to your comment – first the huge storm with softball sized hail – and then a little bit of glass in my eyes from the storm – the eyes still hurt, so I’ve fallen a little behind. God bless and keep you Deborah!

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chrissy May 2, 2012 at 5:36 am

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