Love follows the bread crumbs, says thank you to God

by Craig on June 25, 2012

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Where I was…
it was insanity.

Where I am now
is not insanity.

Insanity was just days 5, 6, 7, and 8 with no sleep.

Everything from the joys (and there were sublime joys) to the terrors – I can’t call it anything other than insanity. I need not to be there. I need to be “here and now” but the “there and nowhere” won’t let go quite yet.

I might have to make room for both…for a while.

But I understand this…I need to be present in only two places…

the not yet…

[God] raised us up with him, and seated us with him in the heavens in Christ Jesus, (Eph 2:6)…

and the now…

Do not worry about tomorrow; tomorrow will take care of itself. (MT 6:34)

Oh…

and it’s Monday…

time to say thank you God…

#948… for the way plants burrow deep with determination to create roots and reach upward with such desperation toward the light.

#949… for the story of Alice in Wonderland.
This is not a book for children.
In it I’m finding breadcrumbs…
leading from “there and nowhere” to “here and now”.

#950… for the great gift You have bestowed on us.
To be able to learn from and use the past…
plan and plot out the future…
and live today, counting gifts.

#951… for even this journey down the rabbit hole…
even the dark cloud now enveloping  my heart.

#952… that there is a Light greater than darkness (JN 1:5)…

#953… that everything in my life…
if I yield to You…
can make me more like You…
who created, sustains, and loves…
me.
(ROM 8:28)

#954… that though I’ve been absent, and haven’t read blogs I heart…
still many have walked with me through this. I thank God for you.

#955… for Laska the Love Kitty…
during those days down the rabbit hole…
he was my tether to the “here and now”…
relentlessly demanding that attention be on him
instead of the “there and nowhere”.
Good job Laska. ^.^


#956… for how Laska the Love Kitty obeys the rules…
no forest” “no street” “no under cars”…
not perfectly…
not without testing boundaries…
and not always happily…
but still obeying (more than not).

He reminds me…

of…

me.

 

and if you don’t know of the 170 hours with no sleep…
the days down the rabbit hole…here are the no sleep links

Scribbly thank yous after 56 no sleep hours

Gathering darkness after 80 no sleep hours

Only words, and not good ones after 150 hours of no sleep

The aftermath after the 170 hours of no sleep

Resisting no sleep gravity

The no sleep white rabbit

The dodgy ascent from the descent

No sleep thank you’s to God

No sleep and Psalms 3

 

and linking today with Ann…

{ 18 comments… read them below or add one }

Mary June 25, 2012 at 7:01 am

Came over from Ann’s place….I love Matthew 6:34. Praying for you today.

Mary
http://memyselfandmercy.blogspot.com/

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Craig June 25, 2012 at 3:14 pm

Mary, thank you – I’m not quite all the way back yet – I thought it would be – but those days have a long reach. Anyway, thank you for being here, I’m only SOMETIMES this heavy ツ I think I’ll be blogging a little more about this – till all the dust clears – then back to normal – at least MY normal. ツ thank you again, and God bless.

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Rebecca June 25, 2012 at 7:17 am

Hmmmm…that ‘s’ word….submit, it’s something the world detests…..but, when you truly get it….it’s a beauty beyond measure….it’s at the depth of love….not that which the world tells us is right that is filled with selfish thoughts…but the one that is truly selfless that leads to submission that sits and basks in the beauty……

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Craig June 25, 2012 at 10:30 am

Beautiful words Rebecca, and true. Where love meet submission there is no power struggle. Thank you Rebecca, God bless and keep you.

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Kelly June 25, 2012 at 7:58 am

sometimes it’s so great to be needed! someone to need us daily- keeps our focus off of self and neediness of our own :) Blessings to you this Monday!

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Craig June 25, 2012 at 10:34 am

Kelly, this is something that you know as a mama much better than I can. So your wisdom here – I take it to heart, because you know. Blessings to you too Kelly.

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Dawn B June 25, 2012 at 11:53 am

A couple of things, Craig:

Andrea Dawn told me if you are not “now here” you are “no where”. She gave that to me last year when it was my Year of Now.

Do you know the song that was made famous by Amy Grant called the Now and the Not Yet? You talk about having to be two places: in the “now” and in the “not yet”. I bet you could get a listen to that on You Tube if you are not familiar with it.

It’s good to have you as coherent as you usually get again, lol!

Dawn

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Craig June 25, 2012 at 1:15 pm

“As coherent as you usually get” ———- that made me literally laughed out loud. Not –LOL – but literally laugh. Very funny. Dawn! ƪ(◠‿◠)╯ secondly, I know the Amy Grant song – when I was a baby Christian she was my first “contemporary Christian singer.”. So when I used the words now and not yet – and I do use them often – they always bring me back to that song. I’m still not quite as coherent as I need to be – I’ll be working on that, as well as getting all the way back – because I’m still not there yet. God bless you my friend.

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Mari June 25, 2012 at 12:53 pm

I am glad you are in “not insanity” now. I cant imagine, but I know Jesus is and has been there holding you through this. May you feel His presence even more so this week :)

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Craig June 25, 2012 at 1:19 pm

I’m not “in” insanity any longer – but what has been truly surprising has been the grip that those few days have had on me. I really thought that once my body recovered, my emotions and my mind would as well. But it’s like a tornado, or a flood, or hurricane, so much attention is paid to the immediate recovery – but nobody checks in later to make sure everything is okay. So many times it’s after the storm where things can go really wrong. The memories linger, and they’ve been accompanied by a depression – I know this because I looked up the symptoms – we’ll see where that goes – nearing the edge of the woods – but not out of them . Yet. Thank you Mari – almost there – and thank you, really, and God bless and keep you my friend.

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Stacy June 25, 2012 at 3:08 pm

Three cheers for Laska and all the pets who keep us in the here and now when we would drift away….and especially praise and thanks to the Father who knew his children would need them. Glad you are here with us now. :)

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Craig June 25, 2012 at 3:16 pm

Yeah, Laska did you a fine job – with nobody here BUT him – I think it was needed. He’s a gift that little cat. And I’m not all the way back to here yet – I still shake my head at how long a reach those days have. It’s hard to explain – it’s hard to understand – and I’d never have a chance at understanding if I hadn’t gone through it. Anyway, thank you, Stacy – and God bless and keep you.

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Christina June 25, 2012 at 4:55 pm

So many agonizing hours you must have gone through! I guess you could say you’ve been sharing in the afflictions of Christ. May He continue to light your way in the darkness. Praying!

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Craig June 29, 2012 at 11:04 am

First, I’m sorry for the late reply…things are still so messy….this brain isn’t working right……….and I’d be a fool to think demons are swirling while my fences and defense are down. I’m trying get back on the horse, first to get back to writing every day, then answering comments within a year or so ¯\(°_o)/¯ …sorry…then the step of reading blogs I heart. Step. Step. Step. Thank you for your prayers Christina – and I dare not say I’m sharing HIS afflictions – he faced infinitely more darkness…..and he never broke. FOr 4 days I broke. He never disappeared – I did. I’m still blinking in and out of existence – but there is LIGHT for the path. Thank you for carrying a torch. God Bless.

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chrissy June 26, 2012 at 1:45 pm

Hi craig . I live in llandudno north wales where ‘alice’ was written. At the moment there are alice statues and white rabbits everywhere so I cant get away from it. But you are right it is an insanely sane book. Teaches us so much about attitudes and the position of the heart. I love it. Bless you while you are in free fall. Underneath are the everlasting arms. Chrissy

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Craig June 29, 2012 at 11:10 am

Chrissy, Send pictures!!!!!!!!!! Alice in Wonderland is shedding so much light on this – lots of breadcrumbs for the way out of the forest. And before I write another word, I’m sorry for the late reply…things are still so messy….this brain isn’t working right……….and I’d be a fool to think demons are swirling while my fences and defense are down. I’m trying get back on the horse, first to get back to writing every day, then answering comments within a year or so ¯\(°_o)/¯ …sorry…then the step of reading blogs I heart. Step. Step. Step. And you are so right in your words, “insanely sane” “free fall” – and “everlasting arms” thank you Chrissy. God bless.

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Shaunie Friday June 28, 2012 at 11:16 am

Hi Craig, I haven’t had a chance to do much reading lately with all my school work, so I’m just getting a little caught up. So sorry you’ve been going through such deep waters, but thankful that you are clinging to Him as you go. Praying for you!

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Craig June 29, 2012 at 11:14 am

First, Shaunie, I’m sorry for the late reply…things are still so messy….this brain isn’t working right……….and I’d be a fool to think demons are swirling while my fences and defense are down. I’m trying get back on the horse, first to get back to writing every day, then answering comments within a year or so ¯\(°_o)/¯ …sorry…then the step of reading blogs I heart. Step. Step. Step. And yes, though these waters are deep and the current runs down, I cling – to existence right now, staying here and now, and I am losing my grip always, but He grips me. Thank you Shaunie, for your prayers. I need His Will, good or bad I need his will, and a tighter hold on my decisions – holding that compass pointing true north. God bless you Shaunie.

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