Love understands being lost…feeling lost

by Craig on June 28, 2012

source

So many ways to get lost.
One shining light always leads home.

But the being lost?
I get that.

I feel lost now.

I am lost now.

I have been for a month…
since the 170 hours with no sleep.

All of me yearns to not be lost…
part of me craves not to be found.

Only a person lost can understand that, I think.

How infallibly precise was Jesus in calling us lambs?
Without a shepherd, lambs constantly nose out ways to get lost.

And the ways?

Lost in sin, or memories, or foolishness, or commitments, or depression, or illness, or romantic love…a nearly endless list.

In this time of being lost, I’ve read Alice in Wonderland for the first time. It’s not the only thing the book is about, but the book is about this…not being the right size…

feeling lost…

forgetting where and how you fit…
losing what makes you – you…
being distracted and misled…
clamoring to find your “right size”.

It’s not a book for children, this book.

And right now, still lost, this song continues to call to me from Woodstock…

and this one too…a little more recent…

And I think if you’re lost for too long…
the things which are unfamiliar, the things which define lost…
those things, in time, begin to replace home.

They counterfeit home.

…nor did Alice think it so very much out of the way to hear the Rabbit say to itself, `Oh dear! Oh dear! I shall be late!’ (when she thought it over afterwards, it occurred to her that she ought to have wondered at this, but at the time it all seemed quite natural)

And if you are not lost…
but know someone who is…
remember that everyone gets lost.

We all know of being the wrong size.

Please remember that.

Love understands being the wrong size.

Be there for the wrong sized person.

Understand that lost can become home.

Leave breadcrumbs for the lost one.

Don’t stop looking for them.

Be the candle in the window.

{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }

Katie June 28, 2012 at 3:19 pm

I understand being lost. Everyone’s “lost” is the same, yet different. This is where having the community of other believers who are SAFE people helps leave the pebbles (bread crumbs get eaten by birds in Hansel and Gretel) to mark the path and help hold us up during a hard times. I don’t know how I could have gotten through this last round of trials without love and support of others, who listened, who prayed, who were there, some online, some in person, some over the phone. Mostly though — I am grateful for a God who KNOWS the way when we are lost, when we don’t know the way.

Reply

Craig June 28, 2012 at 8:37 pm

OK Katie, pebble, people should leave pebble.

Yeah pebbles, But nobody should throw them.

Look, I have a mild sense of humor back,

Katie, thank you for continuing to read, even though I’m not really reading anybody else right now. First step is writing, second step replying to comments, third step reading again. Anyway, thank you, God bless!

Reply

Katie June 28, 2012 at 11:12 pm

hahahaa…… I get it. :)

Reply

Craig June 29, 2012 at 6:52 am

(ツ)

Reply

Mike McArthur June 28, 2012 at 5:39 pm

Hi Craig,
Thankfully our Shepherd comes looking for that one lamb He knows is lost. Keep listening for His voice, He is pursuing you right this minute and will never let you go. Jesus never said our minds have to be intact before we come to Him, He calls everyone to come. Thanks for sharing, praying every time I see your tweets!

Reply

Craig June 28, 2012 at 8:39 pm

Mike, I agree, I’m pretty sure that if our Lord would come back now, and my mind is still not quite there – and btw that sounds so strange to admit that my mind isn’t quite there, really – anyway, I think I’ll be okay if he comes back now. And, bless his heart that he doesn’t let the lost sheep stay lost – if they don’t want to stay lost. Thank you brother, and God bless you.

Reply

Caddo Veil June 29, 2012 at 7:56 pm

Trying to be the candle in the window–and praying for more of His Grace (unlearning the DNA of criticism is no small task), I confess. Praying for you each night, brother–God bless you Big. love, sis Caddo

Reply

Craig July 2, 2012 at 7:56 am

Caddo, the thing I pray for most is that our Lord would bring some sort of good out of where I have been. I’m still there a little bit. I visit a psychiatrist today. I’m fighting every day to stay in the here and now – that’s why I’m so late responding to your comment – baby steps. I need to find my way back – thank you for your prayers – this is so much more difficult than I thought – thank you again, and God bless you my friend. (you are a candle)

Reply

Rae July 2, 2012 at 1:28 pm

I’ve never dealt with your level of sleep-deprivation, but I do know “lost” from my first semester of college. I would go for so long without sleep, sometimes catching an hour here or there with my head on a desk, keyboard pushed aside. I don’t think that I had “real” hallucinations, but the lights were all wrong, and I remember in the midst of my dazed feeling just knowing that I needed a mother to put me to bed.

And perhaps that is the greatest Truth, that at moments like these we are forced to know what is always true, that what we need most is to be Mothered “as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings.”

I am, fittingly enough, completely lost when it comes to what to say to you. So typically I say (er, type) nothing. But this we know: someday there will be rest. One way or another, we will be found. And this too is grace.

Reply

Mari July 2, 2012 at 9:37 pm

Reading this brought tears to my eyes. About being lost and being the wrong size, yes and yes. Don’t settle down in lost, don’t get comfortable. It’s not where you belong, you are only passing through. Like Mike said before me, listen for His voice. (Now I’m thinking I really should read Alice in Wonderland…)

Reply

A. July 3, 2012 at 8:15 am

Craig, this post touched me deeply. I have never read Alice in W either. Craig, prayers for you as you seek to figure out how and what with all this. And what you write here still matters. And that you are in this world still matters very much. How you write such coherent things in the midst of the mind muddle, I have no idea. It is one of His miracles for you, I think. You are an angel of kindness and an angel of touch…you touch lives, even through this virtual community. I pray that lives are touching you in return.

Reply

A. July 3, 2012 at 8:18 am

Understand that lost can become home….that one really spoke to me, among others. I am fighting to break out of my current dark home while still in the midst of it. I don’t want its ugliness and brokenness to become my new ‘familiar’, as it has in some ways-I can feel it. Thank you, thank you for showing me this.

Reply

Leave a Comment

Previous post:

Next post: