Love anchors to God…and here…and now

by Craig on July 9, 2012

Feeling lost, a moth chasing the moon…a predator following close. source

For 6 weeks I’ve fluttered inconstant…a moth chasing the moon…with a predator following close. I’ve skirted uncharted borderlands…

between “here and now”

and “there and nowhere”.

Seven days with no sleep led to a different reality…from which I struggle to return.

The “there and nowhere”…
the sleep deprived hallucinations…
the delusions, the broken mind…
spending too much of me…
halting all forward momentum…

it has to stop…

now…

this far and no farther…

a line in the sand.

If we are children of God we have eternity to live…
but we have only this one life…in this single earthly lifetime.

Love dreams of the future…
learns from and lets go of the past…

when feeling lost, Love anchors to God, and here, and now.

Feeling lost, love anchors to God...here...now...

During those 7 days of no sleep the switch was flipped.
Reality fell away, one piece at a time, like tumbling dominoes.

The “there and nowhere” was real because I bought into it.

The “here and now”…this place, this time, is where to invest myself.

Yes it’s a struggle minute by minute.
So the battle is to keep anchoring to God…
keep anchoring to this. present. moment.

The “there and nowhere” continues to beckon like a siren to oblivion.

I’ve been absent from the “here and now” for six weeks.
Doctors have helped some, psychiatrists much less so…
the way home from “there and nowhere”, for me, is Love, and God.

That’s always my way home.

Love is a choice.
Faith is a choice.
And now I decide.

If God, and love, the “here and now” fill me, where is room for “there and nowhere”?

Anchoring a moment at a time…

Laska the Love Kitty sleeping at my feet…
whiskers twitching because he’s in a dream.

The blinds swaying because the air from the AC vent is blowing.

My tea mug…not beer mug…broken…about as old as this 15 year-long insomnia…

Feeling lost I focus on here and now, broken, but usable...
…a reminder of the time just before the sleep thing obliterated parts of my life.

I was anchored in the “there and nowhere”.

Now to begin…

anchoring…

in God…

in love…

in now.

 

And if you know nothing of this present battle…
but are kind enough to wonder about it…
here are the links which will explain it all.

Scribbly thank yous after 56 no sleep hours

Gathering darkness after 80 no sleep hours

Only words, and not good ones after 150 hours of no sleep

The aftermath after the 170 hours of no sleep

Resisting no sleep gravity

The no sleep white rabbit

The dodgy ascent from the descent

No sleep thank you’s to God

No sleep and Psalms 3

No sleep, down the rabbit hole, thank you’s to God.

The battle – the no sleep aftermath.

Love says no sleep battlefield  thank you’s to God.

Love remains the true anchor, the best gravity.

{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }

Nacole@sixinthesticks July 9, 2012 at 2:04 pm

so, so glad that things are getting better for you, dear brother Craig! still praying for you–promise :) get well, friend, and showers of grace on you today.

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Craig July 9, 2012 at 2:12 pm

Oh Nacole, things are nowhere NEAR better. I can’t wait for better. It’s time to import “better” and bring it to the “not better”. I’m just anchoring…just anchoring that’s all. God bless you my friend.

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A. July 9, 2012 at 10:31 pm

I heart your frankness and yet, as well, your commitment to anchoring to God despite the ‘nowhere near better’. I sooooo understand that, Craig, in my own circumstances. I am praying for your anchoring, and for your ‘nowhere near better’. Bless you, brother!

From a different ‘desert’ place, but needing the same desperate dependence upon and commitment to our God and His love,
A.

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Craig July 9, 2012 at 10:46 pm

thank you A, nowhere near better is better than where I was. So much damage has been done, but the battle is on. Oh, and I owe you an email I think. And I just prayed again for YOUR desert place. God bless!!!

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Katie July 10, 2012 at 9:05 am

Your anchor is the BEST anchor Craig — God and Love! Keep hanging in there.

Reply

Craig July 11, 2012 at 9:41 am

Katie, the best anchor – why is it we wait so long to drop the anchor, we drift and draft and drift, we struggle to keep the boat from drifting too far – and we forget – we just forget – we have an anchor! No problem is ever too small to NOT rely on our anchor. Too many lessons to learn through all of this – I hope I manage to learn half of them. God bless you Katie!

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