Love tries to help. anyway.

by Craig on August 1, 2012

A friend tries to help, even when it's hard.

She's teetering at the top of the stairs, and all my help may not be enough...

You do everything you can…
lay down your life for them…
sacrifice time and heart and energy…
and little bits of your soul .

You pour all of yourself out like an overturned barrel.

And they don’t listen.

But love tries to help … anyway.

Maybe they can’t accept the help. Maybe they’ll remain on the path they’re taking. regardless of anything you might do to prevent the disaster that is biding its time, like a python, until it devours them.

And it hurts.

Because their pain becomes your pain.

Love feels the agony of others like its very own.

And when their self-created disaster strikes…you get destroyed.

I get that.
I’m living that…
poured out heart and soul…

and she still stands poised…



Until they are gone, it's nver too late, love tries to help.source

And it tears at me like the claws of a lion.

What can you do but give everything you have?

And do they consider how heartbreaking it is for you to watch this play out?

Does it matter to them that your help is being trampled like pearls under heavy hooves?

Or do they know they’re trampling on your intentions and they just. don’t. care?

It kind of doesn’t matter.
It still mangles your heart.

Intentional or careless…
whether they can help it or not…
it feels the same, and I get that.

And where is the point where your heartfelt efforts shift from support to enabling?

If you love, then you know of this.
Jesus knew of this like no one else.

I find myself becoming resentful…
knowing that if this person would just listen…
they wouldn’t self-destruct.

And then…

I’m confronted by a tall and firm and unmovable wall of truth.


I’ve been this way when others offer help.
I’ve been this way with the God of all things.

I’ve dismissed or disregarded the counsel, care, and charity of our Father.

And so every feeling I get as my friend rushes headlong into disaster…
it’s nothing like what Our Lord feels as he watches billions. do. the same…

and as he watches. even. one.

Because not a sparrow falls from the sky without Love knowing.

{ 20 comments… read them below or add one }

nancy August 1, 2012 at 12:52 pm

yes this is how i feel when i am watching my kids run towards that brick wall. i can see it, why can’t they, and oh how i struggle to let them go. and your words comfort me because they bring the truth that the Father is watching. and loving. God Bless You this day.


Craig August 1, 2012 at 4:30 pm

Yeah – I know moms are the ones who feel like this most often. I KNOW you feel what your babies feel. Last year, before you knew me, the year was named “connect” and my heart opened up – and for a while it was unbearable the pain I was feeling – the pain of others!!! So thank you Nancy – I get it – I get it more than I’d like to ¯\(°_o)/¯ and btw – yesterday was the first day that “here and now” had a stronger gravity then there and nowhere. Thank you for being there all along. GOd bless you friend.


Katie August 1, 2012 at 1:33 pm

Sorry I have been away Craig, working extra hours again, then busy at home.

This is how I have felt many a time when my husband has been suicidal through out our marriage. Then later I had the same thoughts…….. this is how God feels each time he watches one he loves moving in a direction away from Him.


Craig August 1, 2012 at 4:57 pm

That’s the thought that got me Katie, when I realized the thing I was getting so frustrated by, and so hurt by, I’ve done that so many times to God. Oh we of little faith, how DOES he put up with us. Really, I know I’m more trouble than I’m worth. Bless his heart that he doesn’t agree with that. Grace, grace, and thank you for coming by, I know you have so much on your plate. God bless you Katie.


Linda August 1, 2012 at 4:32 pm

I know how this feels a little too well. It’s the reason for a singing vid in my blog.
Only thing I can say is sometimes all we can do is pray.
And if our faith is true, God’s answer proves to be good!
So don’t lose hope, faith, and love!


Craig August 1, 2012 at 5:04 pm

Linda, I’d really like to hear that singing video. Can you send me the link? And yes, control what I can control and let God control the rest, and be willing to let go of control if needed. Easy to say – harder to do. No? GOd bless you Linda, and thank you!


Linda August 2, 2012 at 3:06 pm here’s the link! hope the song conforts you as it did me!


Craig August 2, 2012 at 8:21 pm

beautiful – thank you.


Caddo Veil August 1, 2012 at 10:00 pm

Oh WOW, this is really good, and pretty timely–I have a friend… (and I, too, have been that friend). Thanks, Craig, for the “control” reminder, and everything else. God bless you–love, sis Caddo


Craig August 2, 2012 at 8:17 pm

Stepping much more gingerly into the here and now than I would ever have thought. step by step. It’s heartbreaking to watch it happen. And I wonder why I’m trying so hard to help someone else right now. When I should probably be concentrating more on getting myself back to a good place, a better place. I wonder sometimes if we help other people to avoid our own stuff. Thinking about that a lot. Anyway, thank you Caddo, I just finished a prayer for your friend – and for you. God bless you.


Caddo Veil August 2, 2012 at 8:54 pm

Definitely–that we sometimes try to “do good” , give to others, to avoid our own stuff. I’ve seen it in families all my life, and it can be very aggravating and hurtful. On the other hand, Craig–it’s good to get off ourselves from time to time, and reach out to others. I learned this from Joyce Meyer, and it really works! So, if I’m just having an ordinary bad day (nothing major that I really should be attending to), I try to find somebody to bless–fixes my mood instantly! Keep praying–and I’ll do the same for you! God bless you–sis Caddo


Craig August 2, 2012 at 9:08 pm

yup yup and yup. enough said, huh? God bless. Oh, and did I ever mention in the 80’s I sat in on Joyce Meyer in a house full of about 15 people just leading a Bible story. That was back before she was THE Joyce Meyer. :)


Caddo Veil August 2, 2012 at 9:17 pm

WOW, Craig–Way Cool!!


Michelle August 3, 2012 at 4:14 am

Hey Craig, I don’t often read your page but happened to click by today and found your message very timely, let’s say. We love you, and I love you very much and you are worth very much around our house but I hope you already know that.

Michelle S.


Michelle August 3, 2012 at 4:15 am

oh, and I think you know I know about the sleep thing pretty well myself


A. August 3, 2012 at 1:37 pm

Craig, you are the perfect friend for someone like this (other than God, of course). What a tough, painful place for you to be as a friend! Yeah, these kinds of times are very, very tough. I know dark from having been inside it. I am more and more on the outside of it, now, but I still remember, and have occasional days, too.

Bless you, Craig.


Craig August 4, 2012 at 5:58 pm

No, not the perfect friend, not the perfect anything A. Imperfect, broken, we know – far, far, far from perfect. But I am faithful – as are you. God bless and keep you, and thank you as always, A.


A. August 6, 2012 at 10:25 pm

Then, Craig, you are a perfectly suited kind of imperfect friend. You really are. And I am still praying for your own situation. Right now. May His blessings and care flow your way.


Carrie August 6, 2012 at 8:55 am

Wow, Craig, this was intensely emotional. I’m sorry for your pain as you obviously watch a loved one self destruct. It’s easy to see others’ coming disasters, especially as we age and with it comes wisdom and experience. But you’re absolutely right here: “I’ve been this way when others offer help. I’ve been this way with the God of all things.” Aren’t we all guilty?! And what struck me about your post was this sentence, “it’s nothing like what Our Lord feels as he watches billions. do. the same…”
Very powerful. All the way back to the Old Testament, we keep messing up and ignoring His will. And so it goes with the next generation…I’m dreading those moments with my own children! Believe me, I’ll be on my knees a lot! May God give you comfort and peace.


Craig August 8, 2012 at 10:41 am

Carrie, one thing I really do understand about this, is that moms know this pain all too well. And I have to admit, it’s always infinitely easier to “fix” someone else’s life than my own – then OUR own. But doing all the things to help, and then watching them make the decisions which destroy them – it is SO painful – and then to think about how painful that is to our Lord – that hurts a little too. I’m still not back all the way yet – but thank you for being here all through this for me – it means the world. And you’ll be fine during these upcoming moment this –you have a very strong mama heart – I look forward to being able to pray for you – although I don’t look so much forward to you going through the trials. God bless and keep you my friend.


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