Love resists the Siren Call, follows the light, says Thank You God.

by Craig on August 20, 2012

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I know I can’t and shouldn’t keep meandering back to the “there and nowhere” of those seven days of no sleep. They fractured and fragmented my brain, laid waste to my life. But the siren call remains.

The effect of those days still lunges and grasps at me…
like mystical vines in a forest…
tangling themselves around my legs…
dragging me under the brush.

The doctors all call it a “sleep deprivation psychotic episode”.

Breaking this thing…
or allowing it break me
may define the rest of my life.

The doctors all tell me that my mind will piece itself back together. It would be easier if I had a team of psychologists working with me daily, but that would just make it easier, not necessarily quicker.

The brain is a mystery in many ways.

The “there and nowhere” of those 7 days is always only as far away as the skin of an apple. Nearly every minute is a struggle not to leave the “here and now” and return to the “there and nowhere”…

My brain and heart, so strangely enough, yearn persistently to dive down the rabbit hole again.

The Sirens continue to call.

I just keep turning my ears…

averting my gaze toward to Our Lord.

And so…from the edge of this rabbit hole I say…

Thank You God.

#975…that there is my “God” history to look back on. It’s been hard to “see” very much of You in this year named “see”. I’ve seen too much darkness, not enough of your light, but I have my “God” history to hold onto like a floating branch in the raging white-water rapids.

#976…that You taught me this lesson in Your Word…
how often the Israelites looked back on their “God” history…
“The Lord who brought us out of the land of Egypt”…
“The Lord who lead us by fire at night…cloud by day”.
Thank You Lord. I cling to the memory of being led by You.

#977…that in remembering Your touches in my history…
I can stand firm on that rock that proves You. Are. Here. Now.

#978…that through fog I can see the beacon of love.

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#979… that though and our world spins off center because of sin…
and brokenness enters into every day, every minute…
cracking from surface to core…
You. Are. The Super Glue.

{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }

Katie August 21, 2012 at 10:40 pm

Your thank you list speaks deep to my heart tonight. Remembering the truths you have learned about God when it is a struggle is a wise choice. What comes to mind as I read this is the Serenity Prayer.

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

–Reinhold Niebuhr

“Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;”

These lines are the ones that keep coming to mind and are my prayer for you friend. I pray the serenity prayer often for myself.

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Craig August 22, 2012 at 5:38 pm

I don’t pray the “serenity prayer” very much – maybe never. I’m more of a freelance prayer – it may be a pride issue – but it is a beautiful prayer – thank you for sharing the whole thing with me – and your opinion – both mean the world. God bless and keep you my friend!

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Katie August 23, 2012 at 12:02 am

I say this prayer at least once a week at Delta, my recovery group, along with the Lord’s Prayer. I often think of it or lines of it as I go through the week, but often on my own, I pray just my own heart.

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