Love prays peace, courage, faith, and knowing | for Sara

by Craig on September 21, 2012

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And I pray…
for courage and faith and peace…
and for Sara to know she has made a difference.

* It was this time last year that Sara’s sands of time stopped running…and continued. I don’t want to forget, So it’s time to for me to remember what I wrote about the approach of Sara’s death…and the inauguration of her forever life.*

I pray because if I knew my body was shutting down…
if I knew that everything I have ever experienced as real was slipping away…
and this connection I have with space and time and matter…was breaking…

and I was ebbing into eternity…

I’d want that.

I pray for courage because…
how incredibly brave must she have to be right now?

I pray for faith, because how much faith needs to be poured into a moment such as this? None of us really know without a single doubt…that to die to live. We only know that breathing is life…and we don’t want to stop breathing.

We can’t prove faith because where proof is possible faith is impossible.

Maybe when there is deepest faith…
assisted by angels…and by God…
maybe there…proof is unnecessary.

So I pray for faith.

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And I pray for peace.

I can’t see Sara being so close to the the veil that separates the material from the spiritual, without spiritual attacks.

If I were the Enemy I would attack her peace.

Sara is human, so peace has to be fleeting, so I pray…for peace…to just be okay.

I have no idea how she could do it…
and maybe sometimes she can’t…
and that’s why I pray for it.

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And I pray for her to know that she has made a difference.

With life emptying out I would want to close my eyes and know I made a difference…
and she has
and I want her to feel this…
so I pray for that.

And my prayer…is this.

♥✞ღ

Father she’s at your door….
Sara belongs to you.
She’s coming home to you.

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Father, she believes in you.
Father, I believe.

I write and say often, “If you are God then…”

But after 27 years of lessons from you…
and you mending what was broken…
and taming a rebellious heart….

and speaking to me in a voice I know is yours…
because a lamb knows the Shepherd’s voice…

and so many little miracles…
not “parting the sea” miracles…
or feeding 5,000…
or…
or…

or…

raising the dead miracles.

Just a million of your tiny touches on one. small. life.
They all pile up like a stack of shiny pennies.
So I know it would be senseless and silly to not believe.

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Are you reaching for your dying child Father?

You have to be.

I read enough mamas to know that a mama couldn’t watch their child leave this life…and not hold them. And you love even better than the very best of mamas. Please help her to know that you are there.

She needs to know you are there.

She believes, I believe, and soon Sara won’t believe anymore…she’ll know.

And she’s not the only person dying….
she’s not the only one dying who knows you
and I pray for them all to know you are reaching out to them.

In every human, earthly belief, there is the often dark shadow of  doubt…
with claws to sink in deeply…

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…claws that attack, and rip, and shred a faith – without a shred of mercy.

Lord, right now Sarah must need the deepest faith.

I want the shadows of doubt to recede.
I want her to know…to know…to know…right now…
with certainty and clarity.

Lord she believes…
help her unbelief.

Help Sara come home.

♥✞ღ

And that’s it, my round the clock prayer for Sara.

I can’t stop tears…but tears can’t stop prayer.

{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }

Biscuit September 23, 2012 at 6:57 am

How did you know Sara?
I learned of her through Ann Voskamp’s blog, and nearly cried for a stranger – her story is incredibly beautiful. What a legacy of courage and raw love she has left! God’s blessing appear in the strangest places, the most incomprehensible ways…

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Craig September 23, 2012 at 12:12 pm

Bekky, I only knew Sara, as I know you, through your words. Hers was one of the first blogs I ever read. And yes – courage, faith, love – and a constant reminder to choose joy – it’s an awesome earthly legacy – and as sad as I was as I wrote most of my Sara posts – they all make ,e smile now because I know were she is. God bless!! Choose Joy. (ˆ◡ˆ)

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Katie September 23, 2012 at 9:26 pm

Oh Craig, I can not believe it has been a year. As I read your blog tonight, I am preparing the clothes that my husband and I will wear to my step-grandma’s funeral in the morning (well, no step really, just grandma). Your prayer is the perfect one for Grandma Cecilia. She is how I perceive the Proverbs 31 woman. I did not grow up in a Christian home. Mom became a Christian later in life and meet Howard and married into a VERY Christian home. Cecilia is the grandma I knew KNEW Jesus. The last two weeks have been hard……. I feel a lot lost, more grieving to add to the year of grief. I haven’t written in my journal let alone on my blog. I haven’t read my Bible either. Today I went to a friend at the coffee house at church. We talked and talked, about all the life issues and stress and also my grandma. Her question to me through all the stress and tears I shed with her was how are you and God? Well, I don’t know. I just sort of stopped and haven’t picked it back up. Until today, I had shut down all the feelings again. I stuffed and stuffed and stuffed and I am deeply depressed, not wanting to do any of my normal routine, but that comes with grief, so which is it, grief or depression or both? Any way thank you again for the beautiful prayer “And she’s not the only person dying….she’s not the only one dying who knows you…and I pray for them all to know you are reaching out to them.” Thank you friend. Now after reading this I am getting off the computer, turning on some KLOVE Christian radio and getting out my Bible and journal. Don’t know what I will read or if I will write, but I am going to just sit if I can’t do either of them and be.

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Craig September 25, 2012 at 11:50 am

Katie, really, from the bottom of my heart, thank you for these words. It’s good for me to know that my words occasionally hit just the right person at just the right time – so thank you for that. Sorry about what you’re going through – death for a Christian may not be such a sad thing – but the death of someone close – that’s terrible. Know that I have prayed for you – and I just finished – and God bless and keep you. Choose joy!

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A. September 27, 2012 at 12:35 am

Craig, yes, when the enemy targets our peace, it is very effective. Thanks for the reminder to be aware of where the enemy likes to strike…

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Craig September 27, 2012 at 9:28 am

where doesn’t he like to strike? Sometimes he even strikes where we’re strongest – or where we THINK were strongest but aren’t. Sometimes he just strikes randomly, until he finds a weak spot – and I’m still of the opinion that it’s not really him that does the striking – there are too many people for him to concentrate on and he can’t be all places at all times like God. But he’s got minions – and it’s their job – so were always being struck one way or the other. God bless you A. Choose joy!

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