Love believes beyond the dark doorway | Remembering Sara

by Craig on September 26, 2012

gitzngirl Sara Frankle choose joy choosejoy

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I wrote this last year, as Sara was believing…and dying…
while she stood directly in front of the dark doorway.

And she believed.
And I should believe.
And we should believe.

Love believes beyond the dark doorway

♥✞ღ

The tears are fewer now. I get distracted so easily. But when I write of Sara they return.
When I tweet @gitzengirl Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ #ChooseJoy (and like it’s now all I write, it’s also all I tweet)…

every time…

tears…

salt, wet, hot…

days nonstop…

and now…

when prompted…

and right now they’re prompted…

and they roll…

and I squint and blink to see letters onscreen…

and worry about forgetting this moment.

I don’t want to forget…

gitzngirl Sara Frankle choose joy choosejoy

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But. I . Will.

It happens when we fall in love.
It happens with our faith.
It happens with everything new and shiny…
it gets older, then finds a home…

in the closet.

Because this world is broken…
and we are broken…
and we forget…

I hate that!

And I hate that I’m thinking about me again.
Oh me of little faith…
and heart even smaller.
This isn’t about me.
This is about eternity and Sara who believes hard in eternity…
who stands at eternity’s gates.

The God I’ve had this relationship with for 27 years…
the one I have been tied to closer than anyone else in my life…
the one I believe in, the one I love, the one who speaks to me and I to him…

the one whose child I am, because we are all just children to him…

as is Sarah…

gitzngirl Sara Frankle choose joy choosejoy

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and she is leaning deep and heavy into his arms…

and he’ll hold her.

And so again I stop…and pray…
always with the praying right now, unending…
even though God only needs to hear once.

And it’s still the same…
sometimes it’s conversation…
sometimes as short as this…

“for Sara, faith, peace, courage, and to know.”

Because right now she needs to believe so much as to be certain.
And even though she’s “sleeping” more and it looks like she’s peaceful…
the mind and heart and spirit always race and wrestle at times like this…
even if we can’t see.

And we all talk bold words…
“She’s going home”…
“She’ll be with Him”…

but death remains a dark doorway…

gitzngirl Sara Frankle choose joy choosejoy

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… an abrupt event…puzzling…incomprehensible.

We see the present-ness of life, and past and future.

But death is a radical break…
no context…
only hints.

Courage is needed so badly for this final lifetime journey. The end of this life is a jump to something other than what we know – bliss, nothing, or judgment. Big words of faith come easy for those of us not staring death in its horrid face.

We can only partially imagine or see heaven.

Is Sara catching glimpses right now?

gitzngirl-Sara-Frankle-choose-joy-choosejoy

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I hope so…
with every tear streaking the face…
with every thump in my chest…
I hope, I doubt, I believe, I trust, I worry…
I desperately want our Father to give her glimpses of heaven, now!
Because the glimpses will bring her peace, faith, courage and knowledge.

All of us…

me too…

so quick to speak of how she’s ready…

and how it’s ok.

It isn’t OK!!!!!!

Maybe death is something not to fear…

but still it’s fearful, and dreadful…

and ugly, and cruel…

a dark doorway to be passed through.

So Sara…

I’ll keep praying…

until. you. pass. through.

♥✞ღ

Here are all of this month’s Sara posts.
You might heart them as much as I.

In which it’s the small things
Love remembers when eternity touches time
In which sorrow submerges joy
Love prays peace, courage, faith, and knowing
In which are “eternity touching time” thank you’s to God
Love is eternity touching time
In which there is hard love | Remembering Sara

{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }

Katie September 26, 2012 at 10:14 pm

So last time we talked I told you what your prayer for Sara and others who passed meant to me. I will tell you more. Your encouragement to choose joy, took. There were stories of my grandma that just had me laughing and smiling. I did not cry even though I missed her. It was a true celebration of her going to be with Jesus. I fully expected to cry. And I am still sad and miss her. The tears came several days later, yet they were still full of joy. New experience for me crying and having joy at the same time. I haven’t written on my blog in several weeks. I don’t know when I will get back to it. For now, I will read when I get time and focus on some healing time with God. Just wanted you to know where I disappeared to. Thank you Craig!

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A. September 27, 2012 at 12:39 am

Katie, I just read, several posts back about the loss of your Grandma. Tears come as I can only send you hugs and try to imagine even a little of the pain you must be feeling. It really hurts to lose someone close and precious, doesn’t it?

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Katie September 27, 2012 at 11:30 am

Thank you A! I appreciate the tears and hugs.

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Craig September 27, 2012 at 9:19 am

I remember only one line from Steel Magnolias – “Laughter through tears is my favorite emotion”. I’m glad you had some laughter mixed with your tears. I’m glad your grandma is home. I’m glad you KNOW she’s home – it makes missing her little easier doesn’t? And I’m glad you find me even though you’re not writing – thank you Katie. God bless you. Choose joy!

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Katie September 27, 2012 at 11:31 am

Thank you Craig!

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Katie September 27, 2012 at 11:33 am

I appreciate the way you write and choose you pictures. I love visiting you site. It brings joy to read your posts. I am glad you are remembering Sara.

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A. September 27, 2012 at 12:29 am

This re-seeing Sara is very helpful, Craig. Thank you so much. And I especially heart the picture of Jesus holding the child.

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Craig September 27, 2012 at 9:20 am

oh, I searched long for that picture – it had to not only be a picture of Jesus holding someone – it had to be a picture of Jesus holding a little girl – the way I pictured him holding Sara. As always thank you A – God bless – choose joy!

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A. September 27, 2012 at 2:36 pm

Craig, reading all these reminders to choose joy…you have no idea how I have had to focus on that choice and have said those words hourly today in the midst of my storm. Choose joy. I am also having to add “Hold fast” as I say it. The waves are high; the wind is strong. Sometimes, Craig, I wonder if blog writers and those who comment have any idea how very important their words of wisdom and encouragement sometimes are in the lives of untold, unknown individuals.

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Craig September 27, 2012 at 3:27 pm

The answer to that question is……..nope……we don’t. at least me.

I too need the reminders to choose joy – Sara said it was as simple as just deciding – just doing it. Anyway, thank you as always A. God bless. Choose joy!!

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suzy September 28, 2012 at 9:29 am

Hi Craig :)
It’s funny, I was thinking of you yesterday, and I said a prayer for you and then what do I see today, but a lovely comment from you on my blog :)
Sara’s story really moved me too. Thank you for re-visiting her words with such tenderness :)

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Craig September 29, 2012 at 3:23 pm

to be honest, after all these months, I’m still not quite out of the rabbit hole – every day this brain of mine comes closer to being what it was – and soon it will be again – but it’s not quite there yet. I’m not reading as much as I should read, nor writing as much as I should write, nor doing anything as much as I should do anything – the brain is a stubborn thing when it wants to be. Anyway, thank you for thinking of me, and praying for me. This is, I think, an absolutely critical juncture of my life. And of all of the experiences I’ve had while blogging, the end of Sara’s earthly life was by far the most significant. So thank you Suzy. God bless and keep you. Choose joy!

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