Love sometimes worries – for others

by Craig on December 31, 2012

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I decided from the beginning that I would accept her nature. Love does that.
I did it knowing that she’d grasp hard and desperate to her desire to change colors at will.

She seems always one step from turning invisible, this one.
She’s the one reflection who has always concerned me the most.

I know from personal experience how a chameleon can fool people…
appear to be completely calm, collected, in control of emotions and decisions…
and yet inside be as jumbled and frayed as a thousand splatters of paint on a wall.

The thing about a porcupine, is that though they may hurt you, they’re direct about it.
But the chameleon will just disappear and skedaddle – regardless of who might get hurt.

She was brave…
took maybe the biggest risks…
and she’s so strong and resilient…
but she’s as delicate as a snowflake.

She trusts no one.

But yet…
she trusts…
me.

Her new direction and venture met with an initial surge of success. The good thing about great early success, is that it validates the risk. The bad thing is that unless it continues, it can crush momentum and hope and energy.

The initial surge has subsided, and everything is scary struggle now.

This could cause the chameleon to change colors, blend in, go into hiding.

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She may revert to the old ways of lying and trickery and deceit…
return to the familiar tactics that have been relied upon for a lifetime.

Now, with things being more of a challenge…
the desire to disguise and disappear is growing.

I can sense it.

The way of love, the way of honesty and truth, is a moment by moment challenge for the chameleon. Her rules are what my rules were, before I chose to follow Our Lord. I had to drop a lot of chameleon ways in order to pick up the cross.

Chameleon roots run deep…
and they never really die out.

It’s taking more of me then there is to keep helping the remaining reflections.
But I will not put my hand to the plow and then look back. (LK 9:62)

And as much as I can’t turn back after putting the hand the plow…
it would be far more devastating if she gave up and returned to the old ways.

I so want her to be able to look at this moment…
and see that the direction of her life was altered here.

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But it’s struggle and trial now.

She’s a chameleon…and I worry.

Love.
Sometimes.
Worries…for others.

You know?

{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }

Cora December 31, 2012 at 6:06 pm

I feel very paranoid and self-conscious right now. Somehow, Craig, this sounds like you are describing ME!!!! Here I am, hiding away again, pretending everything is so wonderful. Well, maybe not pretending THAT much, because nothing is terribly wrong. What’s wrong is that I retreated and found myself too comfortable there. It was good to come back here and read this today. It made me look in the mirror and what did I see? That ugly lizzard!!!!

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A. December 31, 2012 at 7:17 pm

Cora, glad you’re back, and I have worried for you, friend.

Love does indeed worry for others.

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Katie December 31, 2012 at 11:09 pm

Oh Craig, Love does worry for others………. but be careful. I tend to let my worry and anxiety rule and turn to trying to control instead of love. I realized again just today I was trying to control an impossible situation which I have no control over, my husband’s health. And it does seem like you are describing me and how I use to be also. I tend to try and go back to those ways of hiding and controlling when I am hurting in my own heart. Still praying for you friend, even though I haven’t been here much.

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thefisherlady January 2, 2013 at 12:12 am

Jesus it is who is the Master builder of all of our lives. Lift our burdens to Him, our worries, our cares… He wants His beloved to rest… lay it all at His feet . We are not our own workmanship that any should boast. Rejoice with those who rejoice; weep with those who weep, then watch Him make it into something beautiful.

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Dawn B January 5, 2013 at 11:22 am

Happy New Year, Craig! I loved the post and the chance to see my beloved blog friends in the comment section. It was a good visit!

Blessings!

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