Love sometimes gets married (pt3)[the submission thing]

by Craig on February 2, 2011

It’s a beautiful design. We are made to fit, not be alone, and be better as two than as one.

And it’s so sad when we mess up His designs.

Part one of the design is here – part two is here – in case you’d like to peek.

I know how badly I can mess up the design all on my own. But what if I were part of a two person “one-ness”. Am I right in thinking that it can be so much better, so much less lonely – yet so much worse, and so much more lonely?

I really hate it when sin messes up perfection. Wouldn’t it be nice to have perfection?


And here’s a part of marriage – Christian marriage – which too often gets messed up.

Be subordinate to one another out of reverence for Christ.  Wives should be subordinate to their husbands as to the Lord.  For the husband is the head of his wife, just as Christ is the head of the church, he himself the savior of the body.  As the church is subordinate to Christ, so wives should be subordinate to their husbands in everything. (EPH 5:21-33)

We take this and run too far with it – or we hide it and pretend it’s not part of the Bible.

But it’s part of the will of God for Christian marriage.

So what of this submission?

It’s not domination of husband over bride.

That would be a twisting of the ideal.

Can’t be that!

Christians are told, in this passage, to submit to other Christians. So doesn’t this mean that there have to be occasions when a Christian man submits to the fellow Christian to whom he is closest? His bride?

Isn’t there to be a mutual submission, one to another?

I mean, the Bible clearly says this is to be the case in the area of intimacy…

The husband should fulfill his duty toward his wife, and likewise the wife toward her husband.  A wife does not have total authority over her own body, but rather her husband, and similarly a husband does not have authority over his own body, but rather his wife. (1 COR 7:3,4)

If it’s the case there, then why would it be different in other areas?

So submission in a Christian marriage is NOT a loss of power.

The best and highest example is Our Lord himself. Isn’t it?.

He submitted to the will of the Father, yet he is granted the name above all names. His submission didn’t make him less, or weaker, or dominated.

Submission met by love means diversity, unity, and equality.

Is that as clear to everyone as it is to me?

Husbands love your wives, even as Christ loved the church and handed himself over for her. (EPH 5:25)

That’s a big thing isn’t it?

To be called to reproduce the love of Our Lord?

That means a husband is to constantly sacrifice himself for the sake of his wife. Doesn’t it?

No greater love has ever been shown than that of Our Lord, and as a husband I would be called to love




Our Lord chose his bride, intercedes for her, cares for, protects and cherishes her.  He also gave to the point of suffering, and pain, and finally death for her.

Submission is to be met by perfect. sacrificial. love.

So [also] husbands should love their wives as their own bodies.  He who loves his wife loves himself.  For no one hates his own flesh, but rather nourishes and cherishes it, even as Christ does the church. (EPH 5:28,29)

And where submission is met by this kind of love, there is no power imbalance.

There is diversity in unity – and – submission in equality.

Unless we mess up.

And we always mess up.

Don’t we?

I promise to pray this day – all day – for all of your marriages.

I heart marriage.

So know, this day, I’ll be praying for your marriage – every hour – all day long.

It’s my year of connecting.

That means this praying today,

is not a duty,

but a joy.


Linking up today with Ann and so many others on …

In God’s love

{ 18 comments… read them below or add one }

Anonymuss February 2, 2011 at 12:12 pm

Craig, everything you have written here makes sense and sounds safe and true. The unity, the diversity, the equality. The love and sacrifice. Mutual submission. No focus on who is top dog nor desire to be top dog. Yet, how often do huminz try to get all sneaky and put the power thing back in? I am thinking of the term ‘servant leader’ which is one of the sneaky ways huminz try to put the ‘leader’ back in ‘servant’. The ranking is so difficult to shake off. And this ranking-in human terms-is so hurtful. Servant-leader is not a term used in the bible; I believe it came into popular usage in the mid-70’s (could be off by a decade there?)-yet it is one of the many tools that is being used to re-enslave the freed captives. Even freed captives are taken in again by the term. It sounds so sort of good, so sort of true.

Craig, thank you. Keep charting through these oft-times dark and murky waters. For all of us…daughters, wives, mothers, sisters in the faith, husbands, sons, fathers, brothers in the faith….It is so needed. I know I will come back and reread this again. And your prayers, your heart of praying for all the marriages out there…may God richly bless you with a beautiful marriage of your own someday!


Craig February 2, 2011 at 12:19 pm

OK missy, when are you going ot start blogging. You have oodles of wisdom. TIme to ignite the light and let it shine! BUt keep coming here – I’d miss you terribly.

We always do mess up His designs – and get all power-y. Urg

God Bless A.


Lisa notes... February 2, 2011 at 1:01 pm

I think you’ve nailed it, Craig. Wow. I get it in theory anyway; not always easy to do in reality. But we keep trying. With the promise and practice of the Spirit’s help…

Blessings, brother,


Craig February 2, 2011 at 1:18 pm

“In theory” – amen – until I actually have a bride – it’s all just theory – but at least it’s not MY theory – It’s His :) Blessings sister :)


sara @ it's good to be queen February 2, 2011 at 2:18 pm

this is good stuff.

the verse does require both……the wife submits, yes, but the husband also loves his wife as Christ loves the church. that’s a tall order. i have found that it is so very easy to submit because my husband loves me so, so well. he serves me. he’s always looking for ways to serve me and bless me and make my life easier. my cup is so full, that it is easy to submit to him, i am happy to do it. and honestly, mostly i don’t have to…mostly we agree. but there are times that we don’t. and i submit and trust God to work it out. and shut my mouth about it. :)


Craig February 2, 2011 at 2:24 pm

Sara – God bless you and AJ. That sounds so much like submission meeting love. I am especially glad to know that yours is one of the marriages I am praying for this day. Now you’ve made me smile twice today. Thank you. God Bless


Sharon @ Hiking Toward Home February 2, 2011 at 3:35 pm

Dead center of the target. You hit it.

Having been part of a church, for 15 years, that preached “dominate her”, I am so thankful that it never rubbed off on my husband who does love me as Christ loves his church, and GAVE himself for it.


Craig February 2, 2011 at 3:37 pm

Thank you Sharon. And to be knowing that yours is one of the marriages I’m praying for today. Can’t tell you how happy that makes me. God bless you and him and yours.


Debbie February 2, 2011 at 4:41 pm

This is really beautiful. I love how God meant marriage to be! :) Not all of us have that kind of marriage, but to read His word and have you help me see what is really meant by it . . .that helps me. Strengthens me to keep submitting IN love, submitting to God who is love and Who loves me and knows all that is going on and is yet to be.
God bless you and all that He intends for you this year. After all, it’s the year of connections, right? 😉


Craig February 2, 2011 at 4:52 pm

Ohhhhhhhhhhh. I see what you did there. At first I didn’t but – yes, who knows. All I have is what you see here, I have words, and my heart, and my faith – not much else to offer – we’ll see…


Amanda {Enchanting Havoc} February 3, 2011 at 1:40 am

Craig, my dear friend, this post was a post where you nailed it. You honestly nailed it! Oh marriage is such a BEAUTIFUL, AMAZING, hard, challenging union. We as humans absolutely mess this perfect union up with sin. But I am so very grateful that my marriage continues on and is a happy marriage…. despite the challenges. It’s very important that both submit to each other… not only 1, but both.

Loving this post!


Craig February 3, 2011 at 7:43 pm

Amanda – so glad you have good man there – a “suitable counterpart” – and happy to know I was praying for your marriage when I prayed for the marriages of all who would read. Made me smile. God Bless.


Jennifer February 3, 2011 at 7:29 pm

That is a big thing. And yes, we mess up. Repeatedly.

So very thankful for all who have and continue to pray.


Craig February 3, 2011 at 7:41 pm

Jennifer – thank you for reading. the design so perfect – the people – us – not. It was an honor praying for your marriage. God Bless.


Faith Hope & Cherrytea February 4, 2011 at 1:02 am

reading your line ‘i heart marriage’,
reminded me of H Sp’s picturing God’s marriage vision ~
sapphires and diamonds of the royal sort Princess Diana favoured!
GorGeous ~
the value, beauty, worth, unending circle, creativity, design, facets, colour, weight…
like the picture of the King’s daughter of ps 45
i believe the desired submission would be that set by the Trinity…


Amber February 12, 2011 at 6:50 pm

“Am I right in thinking that it can be so much better, so much less lonely – yet so much worse, and so much more lonely?”

—–YES———–It is wonderful!!! But when things are difficult, I have never been more LONELY! However, God has truly blessed me with a husband who strives to love and serve me as Christ loves and serves the church.

“I really hate it when sin messes up perfection. Wouldn’t it be nice to have perfection?


Wouldn’t it!?!


Amber February 12, 2011 at 6:50 pm

BTW, I am, more than likely, going to link to all of these posts this week on my blog!


Craig February 12, 2011 at 6:57 pm

Amber, I’m honored, I really look forward to reading what you have to say. (◠‿◠)


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