Love doesn’t divide and conquer

by Craig on November 21, 2011

Laska wanted attention this morning…but I had to write.

So I set up things all over that I know hearts messing with. Like what we call “big toilet paper”. And as I write I can hear the sounds of him playing. He’s not bothering me, and those happy sounds make me happy. I read all the time of moms who love the sound of their children playing happily together.

That’s what love does…
it arranges things for the “happy” of others…
and then receives “happy” from their “happy”.

I always wondered why my father would separate himself from the family when we were being happy together – or worse – be hellbent on destroying that “happy”. I think I get it now. He couldn’t allow love and happiness to be the center. Something else had to be the center.

Some of us learn love from the love of our parents…
but some parents don’t love…
yet we can still learn love from them…
by learning from them what it is not

After a week or so of looking back on my dysfunctional family history I can now see why the source of our dysfunction, my father, placed himself at the center.

It’s like chess, or tic-tac-toe…
the center position of the board is the best place…
from which to orchestrate the game…
and dictate it’s terms.

source

It’s a place of power.

My father placed himself in the center…
my mom tried to be the center – but he wouldn’t allow that…
and my mom’s earthly life would end…
and the uncontrolled dysfunction in the middle…
by design, or nature, went about destroying unabated.

No amount of human love can balance out abuse.
You’d think it could cancel out the abuse…
but it doesn’t…
even the love of God doesn’t easily break through the damage.

For a while I tried to insert myself in that center…
because I could see the damage being done…
but he would have no part of that either…
and set about pitting his children one against another.

It’s so obvious now.
It’s a simple war strategy…
Divide and Conquer.

source

What really revealed it was a trip to Wikipedia and reading how it works.

The Divide and Conquerer’s strategy in a nutshell:

Historically people have banded together to defend themselves…
deny them this comfort…divide groups and they are easier to conquer…
occupy the central position…
look at the parts and determine how to control the individual parts…
create dissension and leverage it…
surprise and splinter the group attacking the pieces.

It’s exactly what he has done all along…
what he’s doing now…
it’s the opposite of love.

And so I learn.

And Thursday I’ll be contacting him…

it could be…

messy…

{ 20 comments… read them below or add one }

Katie November 21, 2011 at 1:25 pm

God as the Center— that is LOVE at it’s best. Not all home have that though. :( God wants us to show his love to our families and my earthly love is nothing compared to HIS. I try to love my husband the way God does but so often it is my selfish love that happens. This side of heaven I will not be able to do it without God pouring himself through me to love others the way HE does.

Continuing to pray for you and the conversation.

Sounds like Laska the kitty is having fun!!!!

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Craig November 21, 2011 at 2:24 pm

Amen. Katie – we can’t love perfectly the way God loves – the only human who has ever been able to do that is Jesus. We all have to fight selfishness – Mother Teresa had to fight selfishness – all humans do. And I will need prayer – it’ll take a gob of prayer just to get me to make the call – it’s that uncomfortable – it’s that hard to speak to him – and it all might be a moot point anyway because he may just shut the door – and at this point I think I might just let him. Anyway, thank you for the prayer. And Laska? He’s currently feverishly working on a post about his latest adventures in tree climbing. He….well – I don’t want to give away the story – but yes, he has a very good life for a cat!

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Shanda Oakley November 21, 2011 at 6:35 pm

Oh Craig. This breaks my heart. I pray that God will give you strength, boldness and a protective shield around your heart as you approach your father. I pray his eyes and heart are beginiing to open even now. And, I pray that in the end, your heart will be at peace because you have done the right thing.

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Craig November 30, 2011 at 7:00 pm

Shanda, I’m not sure if I told you already about my computer problems – the virus last week – and the computer being down – and me being computer – less. And last week was kind of crash-ish week anyway for me.

Thank you Shanda for your kind thoughts, and your prayers. He started all terribly tough – and mean – but his heart softened. This is still going to be so hard – and I need my heart to be in it – but I don’t know anyone who needs to know the gospel more. It looks like at least the door isn’t closed forever – which is good – he cause I think I’m the only one he knows who knows our Lord. God bless you Shanda!

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Carrie November 21, 2011 at 8:46 pm

My thoughts will be with you as you travel some dark roads. Feel His strength and know that your heavenly Father is truly all you need. Blessings.

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Craig November 30, 2011 at 7:02 pm

Carrie – you know all about my computer crashing – but still I’m sorry it’s taken me this long to reply to your comment. Thank you as always for your kind thoughts – I will need HIS strength – this is going to be easy – it even took a family crisis – a brother in trouble to get me to make the call – so I can’t even take credit for that – I’m not sure if I would’ve been brave enough to do it myself. Anyway, thank you my friend, and God bless you.

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Debbie November 21, 2011 at 9:52 pm

Praying with you and for you, that you put on the full armor of God. You are braver than I. I don’t think I could do this. . .God bless you, friend.

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Craig November 30, 2011 at 7:05 pm

Debbie, still catching up on comments from just before and just after and during my computer crash time. I really heart that you read me – and that you comment – it means more to me than you can know, anyway, thank you for your prayers – I think I’ll write of this soon – but bottom line is the door is not closed forever – still it’s not going to be easy – and I really don’t want to do it – I need my heart in it – and it is – but it’s still hard. God bless you Debbie!

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Michelle November 22, 2011 at 4:14 am

Praying. Hard.

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Craig November 30, 2011 at 7:08 pm

Michelle, I’m just now getting back to all these old comments – I’m pretty sure I told you about the computer crashing, and the computer virus – so I won’t go over it again. Still, I’m sorry for being so late to reply. Thank you for your prayers. I didn’t make it on Thursday by the way – it took a family crisis, a brother who needed help, and I needed to be a bridge – that’s what made me finally call him. Left to my own devices I don’t think I would’ve had enough strength to do it. And I can’t NOT think that all the prayer had something to do with it. The door isn’t closed permanently – but it’s not going to get any easier to share the gospel – I’ll still need prayer. God bless you Michelle!

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Rebecca November 22, 2011 at 4:54 am

Sending up prayers…for God to give you love and discernment for this. That he will give you His love to share….some seeds to plant…and the ability to then hand it over to him to water and grow the love of your Earthly Dad…in his heart by the only one who can change it!!!

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Craig November 30, 2011 at 7:12 pm

Rebecca, I’m just now getting back to all these old comments – I’m pretty sure I told you about the computer crashing, and the computer virus – so I won’t go over it again. Still, I’m sorry for being so late to reply. Thank you for your prayers. I didn’t make it on Thursday by the way – it took a family crisis, a brother who needed help, and I needed to be a bridge – that’s what made me finally call him. Courage FAIL on my part – but I think the prayers worked – the door isn’t closed. But sharing the gospel is going to be a challenge. I heart having you read me by the way – and I heart reading you – and I’m really looking forward to meeting you and other Christian bloggers at Blissdom – last year I met a lot of bloggers – but not enough Christians – plus last year I had only been blogging for nine weeks and didn’t know anybody – this year I know YOU and a few others! God bless you my friend – see you in about 85 days ツ

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Dawn November 22, 2011 at 9:13 am

Dear Craig,

Just this, Paul, a deeply religious man, was on his way to get rid of all the people of The Way to save his religion. The Jewish authorities had given him the power to do so. On the road to Damascus a great light blinded him and a voice spoke to him and…

his religion was saved (but not in the way Paul ever imagined). Your father destroyed your family to be in control and he used his control to destroy. Was he sadistic? Did he get pleasure from inflicting pain on all of You? Laska gets happiness from a paper towel roll. Does your father’s happiness come from making all of you miserable? It seems so.
I am praying for the miracle that will change your father’s direction, his Damascus Road to real happiness.

Dawn

Dawn

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Craig November 30, 2011 at 7:20 pm

Amen Dawn, there is only one thing that will turn his life around – and that’s an encounter with our Lord. I’m just now getting back to all the comments free computer crash and post computer crash – I’ve shared with A that I haven’t had enough time to read – the blogs take six hours a day just to write the two posts – and even though I don’t have a “job” my candle is burned at both ends and in the middle – I’m going to try to figure a way to read more – so I’m sorry for that too. I’ll find a way. Anyway, I don’t know if he got happiness out of what he did – but I’m sure it was a way to lessen his pain. Also, it took a family crisis and me needing to be the bridge for me to make the call – divine intervention? Maybe. This is not going to be easy though even though the door is at least – not closed. God bless you Dawn – and thank you – lots. now find a way to get to Blissdom!!

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Felecia November 22, 2011 at 7:28 pm

You are always in my prayers, Craig. Listen to the love sounds of Laska and cling to the simple, pure ways we experience joy. What ever your ways are, you may need to invoke one or more of those on Friday.

Hoping for the best. Praying for your strength. Covering you in love.
In His name,
Felecia

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Craig November 30, 2011 at 7:23 pm

Felicia, thank you! Really! Thank you. Laska is a joy factory – there aren’t a lot of “joy” sources in my life – it’s a challenging time – so he’s a big source. And of course our Lord – without him – while I don’t even want to think about that, By the way, I didn’t make the call on Thursday – it took a family crisis, a brother who needed help, and I needed to be a bridge – that’s what made me finally call him. Left to my own devices I don’t think I would’ve had enough strength to do it. And I can’t NOT think that all the prayer had something to do with it. The door isn’t closed permanently – but it’s not going to get any easier to share the gospel with him – I’ll still need prayer. God bless you Felicia!

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A. November 25, 2011 at 9:50 pm

I am praying for you, too, for this most important ‘contact’ moment.

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Craig November 30, 2011 at 7:24 pm

I’m exhausted from all the replying to the old comments – so just this – ツ and God bless you!

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Craig November 30, 2011 at 7:25 pm

oh, and I forgot to mention your name – I mean – letter ツ

PS – that little joke made me smile!

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A. December 1, 2011 at 10:57 am

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